Better leave yure child virtew than money; but this iz a sekret known only tew a few.
I honestly beleave it iz better tew know nothing than two know what ain't so.
About the hardest work a phellow kan do iz tew spark two galls at once, and preserve a good average.
A nickname will outline enny man or thing; it iz like the crook in a dogg's taile, you may cut it oph, and throw it behind the barn, but the crook is thare yet, and the stump iz the epitaph.
If yu analize what most men kall plezzure, yu will find it compozed ov one part humbugg, and two parts pain.
When yu haint got nothing tew do, do it at once; this iz the way to learn to be bizzy.
We hav bin told that the best way to overkum misfortunes iz tew fight with them--I hav tried both ways, and recommend a successful dodge.
The art ov becomeing ov importance in the eyes ov others, iz not tew overrate ourself, but tew cauze them tew do it.
The true way to understand the judgments ov heaven is to submit to them.
Method iz everything, espeshily tew ordinary men; the few men who kan lift a ton, at plessure, hav a divine right tew take holt ov it tew a disadvantage.
The mind ov man iz like a piece ov land that, tew be useful, must be manured with learning, ploughed with energy, sown with virtew, and harvested with ekonemy.
Whare religion iz a trade, morality iz a merchandize.
Conversashun should be enlivened with wit, not compozed ov it.
The less a man knows, the more he will guess at; and guessing iz nothing more than suspicion.
Going tew law, iz like skinning a new milch cow for the hide, and giving the meat tew the lawyers.
Death, tew most ov us, iz a kind ov "farewell benefit,"--"positively our last appearance."
Phools are quite often like hornets, verry bizzy, but about what, the Lord only knows.
Living on Hope, iz like living on wind, a good way tew git phull, but a poor way tew git phatt.
Jealousy don't pay, the best it kan do, iz tew diskover what we don't want tew find, nor don't expekt to.
I don't think a bad man iz az dandgerous az a weak one--I don't think that a bile that haz cum tew a hed, iz az risky as a hidden one, that may cum tew a dozzen heds.
A vivid imaganashun iz like sum glasses, makes things at a distance look twice az big as they am, and cluss to, twice as small az they am.