Anxiously I looked up at him again. And I hadn't touched him. I began to get desperate. Frantically I searched through my pocketbook for _something_ that would show my identity. I dragged out my different Club Cards.
"See!" I said, "I belong to the Lambs' Club, in New York; and the Friars; and the Green Room Club; and the Touring Club of America; and the Vaudeville Comedy Club."
I stopped; almost tearfully I looked at him. I could do no more. He sniffed again, shifted his weight from one foot to the other and said,
"You're a hell of a feller when you're home, ain't ye?"
As I was going to the theater in Indianapolis I passed two ladies who were busily discussing a third.
"You know she can't hear very well," said one.
"Bobbie" Richardson was not feeling very well, and for the past four nights had been taking a couple of pills each night. The fifth night Mrs. Bobbie happened to glance over toward him just as he was about to take his two pills.
"Bobbie," she said with a gasp, "what are you doing?"
"I am taking a couple of my pills," replied Bobbie.
"My Goodness," said Mrs. Bobbie, "those are not pills; that is a bottle I gave Alice to keep her beads in."
Julius Tannen and his wife were--er--talking it over. That is, _she_ was; Julius was playing he was the audience. Finally Julius got an opening and said,
"Say, what would you think if you and I ever thought the same about something?"
"The Normal School Band uniforms will consist of a coat and cap at first, with the probable addition of trousers at a later date."--_Kalamazoo Gazette._
At the Seelback Hotel in Louisville, Ky., I asked the colored waiter if they served a table d'hôte meal in the morning. He hesitated for a moment, then picked up the bill of fare, studied on it for a moment, then said,
"Er--no, suh; we haven't got table doe meal, but we have got oat meal."
I saw a wedding announcement in a Kansas City paper the other day and I didn't blame the girl a bit. Her name was Leafy Gose.
Al Fields' (Fields & Lewis) mother and father came from Berlin. Father teaches stuttering people not to stutter. One day he was busily beating time for a pupil to talk to, when the bell rang; he went to the door and a boy handed in a bundle, saying,