"Well, if I would, the deuce is in it!" Exclaimed the landlord; "try me yet, And fifty dollars to be bet." "Agreed, but we will play some trick, To make you of the bargain sick!" "I'm up to that!"
"Don't make us wait,-- Begin,--the clock is striking eight." He seats himself, and left and right His finger wags with all its might, And hoarse his voice and hoarser grows, With--"Here she goes, and there she goes!"
"Hold!" said the Yankee, "plank the ready!" The landlord wagged his finger steady, While his left hand, as well as able, Conveyed a purse upon the table, "Tom! with the money let's be off!" This made the landlord only scoff. He heard them running down the stair, But was not tempted from his chair; Thought he, "The fools! I'll bite them yet! So poor a trick sha'n't win the bet." And loud and long the chorus rose Of--"Here she goes, and there she goes!" While right and left his finger swung, In keeping to his clock and tongue.
His mother happened in to see Her daughter: "Where is Mrs. B----?" "When will she come, do you suppose?" Son!--" "Here she goes, and there she goes!" "Here!--where?"--the lady in surprise His finger followed with her eyes; "Son! why that steady gaze and sad? Those words,--that motion,--are you mad? But here's your wife, perhaps she knows, And--" "Here she goes, and there she goes!"
His wife surveyed him with alarm, And rushed to him and seized his arm; He shook her off, and to and fro His finger persevered to go, While curled his very nose with ire That _she_ against him should conspire; And with more furious tone arose The--"Here she goes, and there she goes!"
"Lawks!" screamed the wife, "I'm in a whirl! Run down and bring the little girl; She is his darling, and who knows But--" "Here she goes, and there she goes!" "Lawks! he is mad! What made him thus? Good Lord! what will become of us? Run for a doctor,--run, run, run,-- For Doctor Brown and Doctor Dun, And Doctor Black and Doctor White, And Doctor Grey with all your might!"
The doctors came, and looked, and wondered, And shook their heads, and paused and pondered. Then one proposed he should be bled,-- "No, leeched you mean," the other said,-- "Clap on a blister!" roared another,-- "No! cup him,"--"No! trepan him, brother." A sixth would recommend a purge, The next would an emetic urge; The eighth, just come from a dissection, His verdict gave for an injection. The last produced a box of pills, A certain cure for earthly ills: "I had a patient yesternight," Quoth he, "and wretched was her plight, And as the only means to save her, Three dozen patent pills I gave her; And by to-morrow I suppose That--" "Here she goes, and there she goes!"