The same pamphlet contains 'A Moral Epistle from the Pavilion at Brighton to Carlton House, London,' which gives an account of the style of company kept there:
'When he first nestled here, he was handsome and thin, No razor had then mown his stubbleless chin: He was sportive and careless, bland, upright and young, And I smiled on his feats when he said, or he sung: Then youth bore its own pardon, while stumbling o'er ill, As the passions o'erthrew what was meant by the will.
I have seen him inwove with a pestilent crew, Who, nine tenths came undone, and the rest to undo! When those caitiffs came thund'ring in impudent state, And drew up their _tandems_ and _gigs_ at my gate, Full of wrath at their daring, I rav'd and I swore, Then I let in an Eddy that slamm'd to the door: But, alas! it avail'd not--'twas open'd again, And the P---- rose, and welcom'd the toad eating train! He, urbane, smil'd on all, where 'twas sin to look sad, As God's light aids, in common, the good and the bad. I tore off Folly's cloak, to exhibit the wrong; How I toil'd to advise, but was stunn'd with a song: I made signs on my plaster to rally them all, But no _Daniel_ was there to decipher the wall.-- Ah! I know his large heart, and beneficent plan; Though he's run from the course, yet HE FEELS LIKE A MAN: Though he dissipates seeds of an undeserv'd sorrow, And, gaily, puts off half his ills till the morrow, His radical nobleness knows no decay; He will act, but not cant;--he'll relieve ere he'll pray: As Charity's retinue own, while embrac'd, IN HIS GIFT HE GIVES TWICE, 'TIS A DEED SO WELL GRAC'D. When their mirth grew to madness, and jests met the ear, Which Philosophy scorns, and no maiden should hear, Convuls'd with disdain, I soon alter'd their note, For I shut up the principal valve of my throat; Till the smoke, in vast volumes, pour'd into the room, And enwrapp'd the loud mob in a horrible gloom, More fœtid than Vulcan inhal'd with his breath; More thick than e'er pass'd o'er the threshold of Death; More choking than Cyclops drank in at their forge; More rank than the reptile of Thebes could disgorge: As they gasp'd, it rush'd down their intestines, and clogg'd 'em, And from _pharynx_ to _rectum_ begrim'd and befogg'd 'em: While, hoarsely, they growl'd at the house, and the smother, Though, by knowing the cause, they had curs'd one another. 'Mid their baneful carousals, I've fum'd and I've fretted, Till from kitchen to garret, I've croak'd, and I've sweated; By pressure, I made my joints crack--I can't bawl-- And drops, drawn from my heart, ran from every wall: But, his H----s, not knowing my woes, or displeasure, Renew'd the broad catch, and refill'd every measure; While the rascals around him, revil'd the damp mansion, And my marrow, scorch'd up by the fire's expansion: Which so heated my fibres and bones--I mean wood-- That a putrescent fever polluted my blood; Which settled behind the bed's head of the P----e, And I've not had my health, or my ease, ever since; Yet I'm sure he would grieve, his politeness is such, Had he known that a lady had suffered so much. Thus they swill'd and re-swill'd, and repeated their boozings, Till their shirts became dy'd with purpureal oozings. When the _taster_ sought wine of a primary sort, I have cough'd 'neath the bin, and shook all the old port, Till 'twas muddy as WILL B----CK'S brains--yet each varlet Said 'twas as bright as a ruby, and toasting some harlot, Would then smack his lips, in despite of my labour! Oh, ye Gods! how I wish'd for a fist and a sabre, To cut down the hiccupping roist'rers with glee, That is, if their heads could be injur'd by me. When WELTJE has cook'd for the half famish'd group, How oft have I belch'd pecks of soot in his soup: Yet e'en that could not drive them from board, or from bed, Though 'twas render'd as black as an Ethiop's head: When I've made it as foul as a Scot's ragged tartan, The rogues gulp'd it down, and all swore it was Spartan. When they've sat near the fire, in knee squeezing rows, I have spit out a coal, and demolished their hose: All my grates have breath'd sulphur to stifle their powers; I'd a watch at my side to beat minutes and hours: When I've seen a Blight glide 'twixt the earth and the skies, I've coax'd in the demon, and ruin'd their eyes: I've edg'd down a poker on legs swell'd with gout, Till the miscreant has roar'd like swine stuck in the snout; When Lord---- from my windows was making a beck, I have hurl'd down my sashes, and wounded his neck; Though my rage could but bruise him black, yellow and blue, 'Twas a hint that might show what the nation should do: But each knave all the arts of my anger withstood, For the leeches will suck while the body has blood.