Thare iz a mitey site ov difference whether Mr. John Smith will appear at Booth's Theater az Othello, or whether Othello will appear az Mr. John Smith.
I had rather be a child again than to be the autokrat ov the world.
Thare iz newmerous individuals in the land who look upon what they hain't got az the only things worth having.
Thare iz thoze who kant laff with impunity; if they aint stiff and sollum they aint nothing.
A fu branes in a man's hed are az noizy az shot in a blown up bladder.
One man ov genius to 97 thousand four hundred and 42 men ov tallent iz just about the rite perporshun for aktual bizzness.
I hate grate talkers; i had rather hav a swarm ov bees lite onto me.
Adam and Eve were very good kind ov pholks until they were tempted, and then they kerflumixt immediately.
Ventilashun iz a good thing, but when a man kant lay down and sleep in a 10 aker lot without taking down two lengths ov fence to let the wind in he iz alltogether too airish.
I hav finally made up mi mind tew do a good turn whenever i kan, even if i git histed higher than a kite for it.
I think that a hen who undertakes tew lay 2 eggs a day must necessarily neglekt sum other branch ov bizzness.
He who really deserves friends alwus finds them.
Thare is "menny a slip between a cup and lip," but not haff az menny az thare ought tew be.
The two most important words in enny languarge are the shortest--"Yes" and "No."
One ov the most honest and reliable men i kno ov at the present time iz "Old Probabilitiz;" he iz an ornament and honor tew hiz sex.
Men hav more vanity than wimmin, and wimmin hav more jealousy than men.
Rather than not hav faith in enny thing, i am willing tew be beat 9 times out ov 10.
In whipping a yung one, yu don't never ought tew stop untill yu git klean thru.
I dont never hav enny trubble in regulating mi own kondukt, but tew keep other pholks straight iz what bothers me.
Looking at pikturs iz a cheap way tew think.
I pitty the poor Interviewer, he iz not alwus a bad phellow at heart, but hiz trade iz a mean one, and the bizzness haz spilte him.
I would rather lead a blind mule on the tow-path for a living, or retail soft klams from a ricketty waggon, than tew be an Interviewer, and worry people with questions, they waz afrade tew answer and too vain tew refuse.