POOR MAN. You see, your honor, I've been poor all my life. I've never had much fun. I don't ask for a lot of money, but--I would like enough so that I could have some swell clothes, and--so that I could eat, drink, and be merry with the boys. You know, I just want to have a good time. Do you think you could fix it for me, Judge?
JUDGE. [_Gazes at him sternly for a moment._] So you just want to have a good time? Want me to take away your poverty? I suppose you have no moral weakness you want to change, no defects in your character that you want to better?
POOR MAN. [_Stammering and twirling his hat._] Why, w-hy, Judge, I--I am not a bad man. Of--of course, I have my faults, but then--I've never committed any crimes. I guess I stack up pretty fair as men go. I'm just awful tired of being poor and never having any fun. Couldn't you help me out on that point, Judge?
JUDGE. [_Sighs wearily and turns to_ IMP.] Bring me the ledger.
[IMP _gives him the ledger in which he has been writing_. JUDGE _opens it, and then speaks sharply to the_ POOR MAN.
JUDGE. You understand, do you, my good man, that if I take away your poverty and give you enough money for your good time, you will have to accept another misery?
POOR MAN. [_Eagerly._] Yes, your honor, that's all right. I'm willing.
JUDGE. [_Scanning ledger._] Very well. Let us see. Here is paralysis.
POOR MAN. [_Hesitatingly._] Well. I--I couldn't have a--very good time, if--if I was paralyzed.
JUDGE. [_Shortly._] No. I suppose not. How about a glass eye?
POOR MAN. [_Anxiously._] Please, your honor, if I'm going to have a good time I need two good eyes. I don't want to miss anything.
JUDGE. [_Wearily turning over the leaves of the ledger._] A man left his wife here for exchange, perhaps you would like her.
POOR MAN. [_Shifting from one foot to the other and nervously twirling his hat._] Oh, Judge, oh, no, please, no. I don't want anybody's old cast-off wife.
JUDGE. [_Becoming exasperated._] Well, choose something, and be quick about it. Here is lumbago, gout, fatness, old age, and----
IMP. [_Interrupting, and walking quickly over to the railing._] Excuse me, Judge, but maybe the gentleman would like the indigestion that Mr. Potter left when he took old Mrs. Pratt's fallen arches.