The tapetless, ramfeezl'd hizzie, She's saft at best an' something lazy: Quo' she, “Ye ken we've been sae busy This month an' mair, That trowth, my head is grown right dizzie, An' something sair.”
Her dowff excuses pat me mad; “Conscience,” says I, “ye thowless jade! I'll write, an' that a hearty blaud, This vera night; So dinna ye affront your trade, But rhyme it right.
“Shall bauld Lapraik, the king o' hearts, Tho' mankind were a pack o' cartes, Roose you sae weel for your deserts, In terms sae friendly; Yet ye'll neglect to shaw your parts An' thank him kindly?”
Sae I gat paper in a blink, An' down gaed stumpie in the ink: Quoth I, “Before I sleep a wink, I vow I'll close it; An' if ye winna mak it clink, By Jove, I'll prose it!”
Sae I've begun to scrawl, but whether In rhyme, or prose, or baith thegither; Or some hotch-potch that's rightly neither, Let time mak proof; But I shall scribble down some blether Just clean aff-loof.
My worthy friend, ne'er grudge an' carp, Tho' fortune use you hard an' sharp; Come, kittle up your moorland harp Wi' gleesome touch! Ne'er mind how Fortune waft and warp; She's but a bitch.
She 's gien me mony a jirt an' fleg, Sin' I could striddle owre a rig; But, by the Lord, tho' I should beg Wi' lyart pow, I'll laugh an' sing, an' shake my leg, As lang's I dow!
Now comes the sax-an'-twentieth simmer I've seen the bud upon the timmer, Still persecuted by the limmer Frae year to year; But yet, despite the kittle kimmer, I, Rob, am here.
Do ye envy the city gent, Behint a kist to lie an' sklent; Or pursue-proud, big wi' cent. per cent. An' muckle wame, In some bit brugh to represent A bailie's name?
Or is't the paughty, feudal thane, Wi' ruffl'd sark an' glancing cane, Wha thinks himsel nae sheep-shank bane, But lordly stalks; While caps and bonnets aff are taen, As by he walks?
“O Thou wha gies us each guid gift! Gie me o' wit an' sense a lift, Then turn me, if thou please, adrift, Thro' Scotland wide; Wi' cits nor lairds I wadna shift, In a' their pride!”
Were this the charter of our state, “On pain o' hell be rich an' great,” Damnation then would be our fate, Beyond remead; But, thanks to heaven, that's no the gate We learn our creed.
For thus the royal mandate ran, When first the human race began; “The social, friendly, honest man, Whate'er he be-- 'Tis he fulfils great Nature's plan, And none but he.”