The _phunny man_ iz seldum an humorist, and never a wit.
Hiz only pride iz tew make you laff; he seldum rizes abuv a jest, and very often iz the only one who kan see enny point even in that.
He iz generally the hero ov the ockashun in the rural distrikts, and kuntry bumbkins laff obstreprous whenever he opens his mouth.
The phunny man iz the clown at large, and hiz jests are sumtimes amuzing, but never remembered.
Thare iz seldum enny taint ov originality in him, and the quips and the quirks he deals in are old saws reset and refiled, and bad enuff done at that.
It iz a dredful unfortunit thing tew deal in cast oph jokes; for, like the old clothes bizzness, they will stick tew a man all thru life.
Impudence, or sumthing like it, iz the leading trait in most suckcessful mens karakters.
All the nice things that hav bin sed in favour ov modesty, fail tew stand the test when brought into the pull and haul of every-day life.
Bold assurance, while it may often disgust us; will win 9 times out ov 10.
We all ov us praze the modest, but our praze iz only a kind ov pitty, and pitty will ruin enny man.
Enny man will liv four times az long on abuse, and git phatt, az he will on pitty.
Thare iz now and then a man who iz modest, but intensely in earnest, and sutch men sweep everything before them.
The karakter ov the modest man iz a good thing, and a butiful thing tew frame and hang up in a private apartment, but experience teaches us that if we wait for our turn in this world, _our turn_ never seems tew come round.
The cheeky man never enjoys thoze delightful sensations which arize from having yielded tew others; hiz logick iz that the arly bird gits the worm, and, regardless ov all delikasy, he goze for the worm.
Thare seems tew be nothing now daze that will warrant sukcess like cheek, and the more cheek the better, even if you hav az mutch as a mule.
The _Live Man_ iz like the little pig; he iz weaned young, and begins tew root arly.
He iz the pepper-sass ov creation--the all-spice ov the world.
One _Live Man_ in a village is like a case ov itch in a distrikt skool--he sets evry boddy scratching at onst.
A man who kan draw New Orleans molasses in the month ov January, thru a half inch augur-hole, and sing "Home! sweet home!" while the molasis iz running, may be strictly honest, but he aint sudden enuff for this climate.