Replies the new Collegian, nothing more } I wish to see, be pleas'd to go before; } And, _Smart_, provide a handsome Dish for Four.}
"Too generous Man! but 'tis our hapless Fate In all Conditions, to be wise too late; For, even in Prison, those who have been free, Will shew, if able, Generosity; Yet find, too soon, when lavish of their Store,} How hard, when gone, it is to come at more; } And every Artifice in vain explore. } Some Messages Abroad, by Runners send. Some Letters write to move an absent Friend; And by Submission, having begg'd a Crown, In one night's Revel here they'll kick it down.[140] 'Tis true, this one Excuse they have indeed, When others _Cole it_,[141] they as freely _bleed_;[142] When the Wind's fair, and brings in Ships with Store[143] Each spends in turn, and trusts to Fate for more.
"The future Chums and Chamberlain descend The Dirt[144] knot Stairs, and t'wards the kitchen bend; Which gain'd, they find a merry Company, Listening to Tales (from _Smart_) of Baudry, All introduced with awkward Simile,[145] Whose Applications miss the Purpose pat. But in the Fire now burns th' unheeded Fat, Whose sudden Blaze brings L--nd--r[146] roaring in; Then _Smart_ looks foolish, and forsakes his Grin. The laughing Audience alter, too, their Tone, For who can smile, that sees Tom L--nd--r frown? He, magisterial rules the panic Cell, And rivals _Belzebub_,--in looking well: Indignant now, he darts malicious Eyes, While each Dependant from the Kitchen flies; Leaves _Smart_ to combat with his furious Ire, Who heeds him not, but strives to clear the Fire; Blowing and stirring still, no Pains he spares, And mute remains, while _Major Domo_ swears; Who bellows loud Anathemas on _Smart_, And the last Curse he gives is D--n your Heart; His trembling Lips are pale, his Eyeballs roll; Till, spent with Rage, he quits him with a Growl.
"Now, as our new-come Guest observ'd this Scene, (As odd an one, perhaps, as could be seen) He first on _Smart_, next on his Master gaz'd, And at the two extreams seem'd much amaz'd; Which _Smart_ perceiving, says in sober Mood, } Sir, I've a thousand Times his Fury stood; } But, yet, the Man tho' passionate, is good; } I never speak when he begins to bawl, For, should I swear like him, the House would fall."