This has again been an anxious day. Dear Henry complained this morning of a swelling under his ear, or rather under the angle of the jaw, where there was on feeling it, an evidently enlarged gland; however, to the praise of the Lord's great grace, it is evidently passing away without any general attack on the constitution. I really believe the Holy Ghost is making these events instrumental in working a deep sense on the minds of the dearest boys of the importance of their souls; there is a concern about religion, a willingness to talk about it I have not before observed. Oh, may the Lord's blessed spirit water these seeds till they become plants of renown, to the glory of our own Lord's great name.
_May 23._--Oh my poor heart flutters like a bird when it contemplates the extent of its bereavement as a husband, a father, a missionary. Oh, what have I not lost! Dear Lord sustain my poor weak faith. Thy gracious visits sometimes comfort my soul; yet my days move heavily on; but the Lord who redeemeth the souls of his servants has declared, that none of those who trust in him shall be desolate. Lord I believe, help thou mine unbelief. I do indeed desire with my whole soul to cast myself into the ocean of thy love, and never to let Satan have one advantage over me, by instilling into my heart hard thoughts of thy ways. Surely we expect trials, and if so, and thou sendest one other than we expected, should it surprise us when we see but a point in the circle of thy providence, and thou seest the end from the beginning.
_May 24._--To-day Kitto has been very unwell.
_May 25._--To-day the dear baby is very unwell, but Kitto better. Thus the Lord interchanges his merciful trials and merciful reliefs. I feel one great want, "To be filled with all the fulness of Christ," that there may be no room for those fluctuations, which from short intervals of sweet peace, plunge me into depths of sorrow and astonishment: yet I know the Lord will heal, he will bind up what he has broken. O my soul, wait patiently on him to learn all, I know he would teach thee: let patience have her perfect work, for the trial of our faith is much more precious than of gold that perisheth. My eyes are daily, hourly looking unto the Lord for a little ray of light, but as yet I see none: yet we know that they that trust on the Lord shall not walk in darkness, but mercies shall encompass them about.