_First Em. Pol._ (_airily_). May be. But it's because they didn't know what they were writing about. How can a fellow become a good naval officer unless he has been robbed of his pocket-money, and taught how to lie for his seniors. Thing's too ridiculous! Hallo, JIMMY, they tell me things are in a dreadful mess at St. Martin's-le-Grand!
_Third Em. Pol._ (_promptly_). Then they tell you wrong. Never saw anything like it--most perfect organisation in the world! Absolutely marvellous, Sir--absolutely marvellous! And the clerks so civil and obliging. Everybody pleased with them.
_Second Em. Pol._ Come, that won't do. Your statement is as hard to digest as too-previous turkey and premature plum-pudding. The papers are full of complaints all through the Autumn, and have only stopped recently to make room for those descriptive and special law reports. You will have them again, now Term is over.
_Third Em. Pol._ Who cares for the papers? I tell you we are absolutely inundated with letters of thanks from Dukes and Duchesses upwards. No; if you had said that the Colonies were in a mess, why then--
_Fourth Em. Pol._ (_angrily_). What _are_ you talking about? Why, we are absolutely romping in! Never knew the Colonies so prosperous as they are now! And we have had to put on half-a-dozen extra clerks to open and answer the letters of congratulation we receive hour by hour from every part of the Empire. Why, everything's splendid--absolutely splendid!
_Second Em. Pol._ Well, matters have decidedly mended since transportation was prohibited. But to return to our muttons. Waterloo was won--
_Fourth Em. Pol._ (_interrupting_). Yes, I know, by the Militia and the dregs of the population! By the way, though, the gaols have had better company than now.
_Fifth Em. Pol._ Hold hard! Don't you abuse my Prisons. As a matter of fact, the present convicts are the finest, cleverest, most trustworthy fellows that ever existed. It is quite an honour to get into a prison nowadays. (_With a sudden burst of anger_.) And if any of you doubt my word, hang me, I will have satisfaction! (_Looking round for opponents_.) Come now, who will tread on the tail of my coat!
_Chief and Most Eminent Politician_. Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Come it's getting late, and if we are to see the dress-rehearsal of the Pantomime, we must be off at once!