The scene is changed. The revolving cliff Now exhibits its other side. The corpse is there, looking very stiff-- Even more than before it died! The crime is traced to the hero JACK, Notwithstanding the stupids know Deceased was thrown by the Villain black To the property rocks below!
If the day's (as usual) pitchy, Take up ANNE THACKERAY RITCHIE! If you're feeling "quisby-snitchy," Seek the fire--and read your RITCHIE! If your nerves are slack or twitchy, Quiet them with soothing RITCHIE. If you're dull as water ditchy, You'll be cheered by roseate RITCHIE. Be you achey, sore, chill, itchy, Rest you'll find in Mrs. RITCHIE! May her light ne'er shine with slacker ray, Gentle daughter of great THACKERAY!
"WORDS! WORDS! WORDS!"--The decision in "the Missing Words (and money) Competition" is, in effect, "No more words about it, but hand over the £23,628 to the National Debt Commissioners." Advice this of STIRLING value.
Are the Panama sentences rather hard? So Monsieur EIFFEL _pro tem._ disappears. To walk round about a prison yard Is the _Tour d'Eiffel_ for a couple of years.
EVIDENT.--The little song for Mr. HARRY LAWSON to sing on reading Mr. CHARLES DARLING'S letter in the _Times_ of Thursday last--"_Charley is my Darling!_"
A REAL "OPENING" FOR A SMART YOUNG (POLITICAL) MAN.--The settling, on rational grounds, of the great and much-muddled up "Sunday-Opening" Question.
CUE FOR THE CRITICS (_if the New Coinage does not seem an improvement upon the Jubilee failures_).--Pepper Mint!
IMPORTANT FINANCIAL QUESTION FOR ITALIANS.--Are the Banks of the Tiber secure?
["Mr. HENRY BLACKBURN, lecturing at the London Institution, Finsbury Circus, said English people were not an artistic nation, and instead of getting better, they appeared to be rapidly getting worse. The author of the present day was losing the sincerity and the individuality which ought to characterise him.--_Daily Paper._"]
Oh, gaily did we hasten to the London Institution, Expecting some amusement in our inartistic way, And little did we reckon on the awful retribution Which Mr. HENRY BLACKBURN had in store for us that day.
We'd fondly looked towards him for an eulogistic blessing, But got instead a general and comprehensive curse, We are, as he informed us, with an emphasis distressing, By nature inartistic, and are daily getting worse.