“The house,” says the Rev. John, astonished into a fit of most unclerical eloquence, “was the damn’dest, confounded place that ever mortall man was put into: it was a Jewes house, not half big enough to hold half my Lord’s family--a mere nest of fleas and cimici [bugs] and rats and mice, and stench, surrounded with whole kennells of nasty, beastly Jewes.”[84]
In his wildest nightmares Sir John had never seen himself living in a Ghetto. And this was no nightmare, but hard, solid, filthy reality. A spasm of rage came over him--rage at everybody, but more especially at Signor Antonio Perone who had had two months in which to provide for his honourable accommodation. He swore at the miserable Dragoman as perhaps no ambassador had ever sworn before. “He vowed,” says our Treasurer, whose mischievous spirit had been moved to impish glee, “he vowed with the most execrable protestations never to be reconciled to him.” He ordered him off to Constantinople in twenty-four hours, else he would have him drubbed.[85] Apparently Sir John knew not that the magnificent Marquis de Nointel had been treated to precisely the same fragrant surprise;[86] or if he did, the knowledge carried no comfort.
Signor Antonio retired to his private lodging to wait for the ambassadorial wrath to evaporate; and three days later, by the mediation of Mr. Hyet, the oldest English merchant, he received plenary absolution. Meanwhile, after an unforgettable night in that salubrious abode, Sir John had sent his Chief Dragoman, the venerable Signor Giorgio Draperys, to the Grand Vizir to beg for a better residence. With gratifying celerity the Vizir turned a rich Jew out of his home; and the Ambassador, accompanied by his staff and the friend of his bosom, removed thither, still keeping the other house for the servants. Mr. North turned Signor Antonio out of his quarters and made himself comfortable therein. The others shifted as best they could, until little by little every infidel dog found his kennel.
Quickly as these transmigrations were effected, Sir John had had time, in the midst of them, to save the King of England’s honour from some fresh perils that menaced it. There were at Adrianople several foreign diplomats: Count Kindsberg, the German Emperor’s Resident; the Ambassador, as they called him, of the little Republic of Ragusa; and M. de La Croix, second secretary to the Ambassador of France. Contrary to Sir John’s expectations, none of these, save the Ragusan, had sent out to meet him on his approach to the city. So, the instant he set foot to earth, he “searchd’ into the Point Whether the Emperors Resident was wont to send to meet the Ambassadour of France,” and heard that “for certain, yes.” Immediately after, one of the Resident’s gentlemen came to tell Sir John that the Caesarean Excellency desired to wait upon him. Sir John answered that the house he was in “was so infamous” that he could receive no one, but when in a convenient lodging he would invite the Resident, “unlesse He, as I was informd’, had sent to meet the French Ambassadour, which He had not done to me.” Similar overtures from the French diplomat met with a similar rebuff. Count Kindsberg hastened to explain that his Excellency was terribly misinformed: “He never sent to meet the Ambassadour of France in his life, but he had sent to meet me, had not the Gran Signor at the same time sent for Him to Audience; which I knew to be true, and amongst other Reasons this was one that he would have sent out to meet me, because my Lord of Winchelsea did so to Count Lesley”--Walter Leslie, the Scottish Ambassador Extraordinary from the Emperor to Turkey, whose mission had created a great sensation ten years before.[87] Mollified by these explanations, Sir John intimated to the Resident that he “would gladly receive His Favour in another House.” When he moved to that new house, Count Kindsberg came; Sir John returned his call two days after; and their intercourse acquired a distinct flavour of familiarity thenceforward. The Resident turned out to be “a Civill understanding Gentleman. He invites me to Dinner, and I Him, and frequently comes to visitt me.”