"Don't keer which," said DON'T KEIR-HARDIE; but, possibly from force of habit, took the oath.
"If OLD MORALITY was still with us, my friend," said BURT, gravely, "he would be able to cite for your edification a copy-head showing how Don't Care came to a bad end."
_Business done._--Swearing going on in both Houses. Our Army in Flanders quite respectable by comparison.
_Enthusiastic Lady Amateur._ "OH, WHAT A PITY! WE'VE JUST MISSED THE FIRST ACT!"
_Languid Friend._ "HAVE WE? AH--RATHER GLAD. I ALWAYS THINK THE CHIEF PLEASURE OF GOING TO A THEATRE IS TRYING TO MAKE OUT WHAT THE FIRST ACT WAS ABOUT!"]
LITTLE MISS FACING-BOTH-WAYS AND HER DOG DOUBLE-OR-QUITS!]
Oh, to be a Pulpiteer! Purists may fie-fie, or sneer. But, when wit and fancy fail, To produce your twice-cooked kail (As "a traveller") must be nice. Nor are you confined to _twice_; Hashed, rehashed, and hashed again, Garnished--from another brain, Seasoned--from another cruet, You may roast, or boil, or stew it O'er and o'er, year in year out, As you perorate about, Seek, when weary,--o'ertasked elves! "Inspiration" from your shelves. Salt it here, and sauce it there, Saying nothing, since none care To make question, taking pay, Yes, and praise upon your way, For--well, ere the thing is through, What is what and who is who, It might puzzle you to tell; Still you "think it right"! Ah, well! This philosophy peripatetic Strikes a chord that's sympathetic In the breast of secular scribe; Nothing, it is true, would bribe Him to play the pious prig, But--he heaves a sigh that's big Murmuring, enviously I fear,-- Oh, to be a Pulpiteer!
When Man first arose from the primitive Ape, He first dropped his tail, and took on a new shape. But Cricketing Man, born to trundle and swipe, Reversion displays to the earlier type; For a cricketing team, when beginning to fail, Always loses its "form," and "developes a tail"!
I was only jest a thinkin the other day, what werry distinguisht honner Her Most Grashus Madgesty the QUEEN would bestow on the Rite Honerabel the LORD MARE, when the rite time cum. But I was ardly prepaird for the acshal fack!
I reelly coudn't have bleeved it if I hadn't a had it red out to me from a most respecfool Mornin Paper; so in course it must be trew. Yes, the Rite Honorabel the LORD MARE is not only to be a Nite, like other Lord Mares, but the QUEEN has acshally made him a Nite Commander of the most xtinguisht Order of Saint Mikel, and, not sattisfide with ewen that, Her MADGESTY has also made him a Nite Commander of the other most xtinguisht Order of Saint George!