_Ed._ I think you said that you have passed in engineering, orchestra-playing, astronomy, naval and military tactics, and the history of the world, and the other components of the planetary system?
_W.-be Rep._ Certainly; I have in every way (save that I have still to pass in Roman Law) satisfied the requirements of the Institute of Journalists. I am all but qualified for the reception of an Associate's degree.
_Ed. (with a view to closing the interview)._ Very well, then; we shall be glad to use anything you may be good enough to send us--of course, at the customary rate.
_W.-be Rep. (gratefully)._ A thousand thanks. I know; three-half-pence a line, with a minimum of three shillings.
_Ed._ Precisely. (_Taking up his pen._) And now, as my Sub-editor told me that there was a fire somewhere in the neighbourhood, you had better look after it.
_W.-be Rep._ Thank you so much. But as I have forgotten to bring my reporter's-book, perhaps you will kindly lend me some copy-paper?
_Ed._ Certainly; you will find some in that corner. (_He approaches speaking-tube, to which he has been summoned by a whistle._) Ah! You need not trouble after the fire, for I find we have already received a report from someone on the spot.
_W.-be Rep. (in a tone of disappointment)._ What a bore! just as I was going to report it myself! However, better luck next time.
_Ed. (courteously)._ I hope so; good morning. (_Exit_ Would-be Reporter.) What a nuisance these fellows are! Highly educated, of course, and all that sort of thing; but I am not sure that the rough-and-ready school was not the better.
_W.-be Rep. (re-entering hurriedly)._ My good Sir! Fancy! the man who has sent you the report of the local fire was educated at a small grammar-school, and never even entered a university!
_W.-be Rep. (surprised)._ You surely won't use his copy?
_Ed. (decisively)._ I surely shall. First come, first served. And now you must allow me. (_Returns to his work, to the surprise and disgust of_ Would-be Reporter. _Curtain._)
"Victory sits on our helms!" cries Sir DRURIOLANUS AUCTOR to HENRICUS PARVUS ETIAM AUCTOR, as they drive back to "The Helms, Regent's Park," after the curtain has descended on the last scene of the last act of _A Life of Pleasure_ at Drury Lane. Twice has Sir DRURIOLANUS appeared before the footlights at the end of the Fourth Act, when some battle in Burmah is gallantly won by the united dramatic forces under the heroic but comic Captain HARRY NICHOLLS, Colonel Lord FRANK FENTON AVONDALE, Sergeant CLARENCE HOLT, and a handful of the bravest soldiers that ever marched to glory over the boards of old Drury Lane. What the story is, and how these heroes got into the jungle and out again, and how the right man married the right woman, and how the wronged woman would have saved the villain from the vengeance of HENRY DESMOND O'NEVILLE,--who, alas, had to stay in the green-room while the others were distinguishing themselves in Burmah,--is known to the clever collaborators and a few of their trusted confidants. Of that strange history I, a mere civilian, had every detail blown clean out of my head by the din of the great battle. In fact, never have I heard of any "theatrical engagement" equal to this.