Then it was my turn. I asked him how he dared to treat me in such a manner? What had I done to deserve it?
“You know very well,” he shouted in reply. “You threw water over the master-at-arms.”
“How do you know?” I asked. “You were not there.”
“Silence!” he roared. “I’ll have you put in irons.”
“How many sets of irons have you got?” I inquired.
“You’ll want more than that,” I said. “There are about twenty of us in it, all big, hefty chaps. We’ve sworn to stand by one another. Besides,” I added soothingly, “I don’t think it will look very well in the papers, or do you any good with your employers, when it comes to be published broadcast that you could not maintain discipline aboard your own ship without putting half your passengers in irons.”
“But,” he spluttered, “this is rank mutiny. I’ll put you ashore at the first port of call.”
“Well,” I retorted, “even if you do, I shan’t cry about it. I suppose I can take a train to Melbourne.”
“Then you suppose wrong,” he snapped. “There is no railway communication whatever between the two places.”
All this while the other officers had been standing respectfully at attention, waiting further instructions. The captain now sent them away, and closed the door.
I sat down, wondering what was coming next.
“Have a drink?” he inquired, producing a decanter of whisky and a syphon of soda.
“Now you’re talking,” I said; and we both laughed.
This was the end of the bother. And not only that. Next day the captain came and had dinner with us in the second-class saloon, a thing he had never done before; and we, not to be outdone in generosity, gave a benefit show, half the proceeds of which went to the Seaman’s Orphanage, the other half going to the Music-hall Benevolent Fund.
I should add that I had previously explained to the captain during the latter part of our interview in his cabin, exactly how the bother began; and he agreed with me that, although we might have been to blame in regard to the method of our reprisals, the master-at-arms had only himself to thank for the trouble he had brought down on his head, since for him to have used the exceedingly foul expression he did towards us on so very trifling a provocation was absolutely inexcusable.