"If I might presume upon my long standing in the service, Captain----," said a pompous general officer, whose back appeared to have been _fished_ with the kitchen poker--"if I might venture to offer you advice," continued he, leading me paternally by the arm a little on one side, "it would be not again to attempt a defence of smuggling: I consider, sir, that as an officer in his Majesty's service, you have strangely committed yourself."
"It is not my defence, sir: they are the arguments of a smuggler."
"You wrote the book, sir," replied he, sharply; "I can assure you that I should not be surprised if the Admiralty took notice of it."
"Indeed, sir!" replied I, with assumed alarm.
I received no answer, except a most significant nod of the head, as he walked away.
But I have not yet arrived at the climax, which made me inclined to exclaim, with the expiring Lion in the fable----
A midshipman--yes, reader, a midshipman--who had formerly belonged to my ship and had trembled at my frown, ranged up alongside of me, and, with a supercilious air, observed--
"I have read your book, and--there are _one_ or _two_ good things in it."
Hear this, admirals and captains on half-pay! hear this, port-admirals and captains afloat! I have often heard that the service was deteriorating, going to the devil, but I never became a convert to the opinion before.
Gracious Heaven! what a revengeful feeling is there in the exclamation "O that mine adversary had _written a book_!" To be snarled at, and bow-wowed at, in this manner, by those who find fault because their intellect is not sufficient to enable them to appreciate! Authors, take my resolution; which is, never to show your face until your work has passed through the ordeal of the Reviews--keep your room for the month after your literary labour. Reviews are like Jesuit father confessors--guiding the opinions of the multitude, who blindly follow the suggestions of those to whom they may have entrusted their literary consciences. If your work is denounced and to be released at once from your sufferings by one blow from the paw of a tiger, than to be worried piecemeal by creatures who have all the will, but not the power, to inflict the _coup de grace_?