"Responsible be----blowed," replied he, severely; "shell out."
The people in the car were much excited. The fat man on the seat had risen up, though still in sitting position, and balanced himself upon his toes to get a better view. I unclosed my hand and deposited in the conductor's a round piece of tin that had been punched out by some tin-man and hammered smooth bearing a close resemblance to money!
The disappointment of every one was intense. The conductor intimated that if he met me in society he would give me my money's worth, the fat man muttered something about my being an "imposture," several lady passengers looked bluely at me, and only one laughed heartily at the whole affair, as I did. It was a queer incident.
Mister Socrates Snooks, a lord of creation, The second time entered the married relation: Xantippe Caloric accepted his hand, And they thought him the happiest man in the land, But scarce had the honeymoon passed o'er his head, When, one morning, to Xantippe, Socrates said, "I think, for a man of my standing in life, This house is too small, as I now have a wife: So, as early as possible, carpenter Carey Shall be sent for to widen my house and my dairy."
"Now, Socrates, dearest," Xantippe replied, "I hate to hear every thing vulgarly _my'd_; Now, whenever you speak of your chattels again, Say, _our_ cow house, _our_ barn yard, _our_ pig pen." "By your leave, Mrs. Snooks, I will say what I please Of _my_ houses, _my_ lands, _my_ gardens, _my_ trees." "Say _our_," Xantippe exclaimed in a rage. "I won't, Mrs. Snooks, though you ask it an age!"
Oh, woman! though only a part of man's rib, If the story in Genesis don't tell a fib, Should your naughty companion e'er quarrel with you, You are certain to prove the best man of the two. In the following case this was certainly true; For the lovely Xantippe just pulled off her shoe, And laying about her, all sides at random, The adage was verified--"Nil desperandum."
Mister Socrates Snooks, after trying in vain, To ward off the blows which descended like rain-- Concluding that valour's best part was discretion-- Crept under the bed like a terrified Hessian: But the dauntless Xantippe, not one whit afraid, Converted the siege into a blockade.
