"I think that fellow is real mean," said Marie, throwing down the paper.
"Why, the one it speaks of here who has invented a car window that will open and shut readily by touching a spring."
"Well, I think it is a great thing. Why do you object to it?"
"Simply because now I can never have, when traveling, some fascinating drummer bending over me to open or shut the window for me."
A certain politician holding office in Washington comes from Gilead, N. H. and he is proud of his native town. It is told of him that on one occasion a visiting clergyman preached in the village church and during the course of his remarks, he exclaimed:
"Of course there is," he sung out, to the horror of the congregation, "but you can't get it on Sunday."
Mrs. Smith--John, has Mrs. Thompson done anything to offend you? She complains that you spoke very rudely to her when you came in yesterday evening.
Mr. S.--Oh, I'm sorry for that. I'm always glad to see Mrs. Thompson, and wouldn't like to hurt her feelings. Fact is, when I came in, the room was rather dark and I mistook her for you.
Little Johnny McSwilligen, surreptitiously sampled his mamma's brandied peaches yesterday, and soon after had occasion to use the telephone.
"A little later Mr. McSwilligen called his wife to the 'phone to inform her that he would be late getting home.
"Why, you're drinking again, and intend to make a night of it."
"Indeed I am not," protested McSwilligen. "I have not touched a drop for a year."
"Oh, you can't impose on me that way," insisted his wife. "I can smell your breath."
And she hung up the receiver with a rattle that almost dislocated the instrument.
Insulted Montanian (to tenderfoot newspaper correspondent)--Lookee here, young man, you want to be a little more keerful how you write things that ain't so to them newspapers back East. This is a high-toned town, by Jinks, and the boys won't stand it.
Terrified Tenderfoot--Why, I--I--what have I written?
"Why, you writ to a Chicago paper that we lynched thirteen men here last month, and it's a lie."
"Well, it wasn't. We didn't lynch but twelve, and we only rid the other on a rail and peppered him a little with buckshot. Stick to facts, young man, that's all we ask of you."