Then, again, there is excellent metaphysical fooling in _The Three Voices_. But far the best parody in the book--and the most richly deserved by the absurdity of its original--is _Hiawatha's Photographing_. It has the double merit of absolute similarity in cadence and lifelike realism. Unluckily the limits of space forbid complete citation:--
"From his shoulder Hiawatha Took the camera of rosewood, Made of sliding, folding rosewood; Neatly put it all together. In its case it lay compactly, Folded into nearly nothing. But he opened out the hinges, Pushed and pulled the joints and hinges, Till it looked all squares and oblongs, Like a complicated figure In the Second Book of Euclid. This he perched upon a tripod, And the family in order Sate before him for their portraits.
Each in turn, as he was taken, Volunteered his own suggestions, His ingenious suggestions. First the Governor, the Father: He suggested velvet curtains, And the corner of a table, Of a rosewood dining-table. He would hold a scroll of something, Hold it firmly in his left hand; He would keep his right hand buried (Like Napoleon) in his waistcoat; He would contemplate the distance With a look of pensive meaning, As of ducks that die in tempests. Grand, heroic was the notion, Yet the picture failed entirely, Failed, because he moved a little; Moved, because he couldn't help it."
Who does not know that Father in the flesh? and who has not seen him--velvet curtains, dining-table, scroll, and all--on the most conspicuous wall of the Royal Academy? The Father being disposed of,
"Next his better half took courage, She would have her picture taken."
But her restlessness and questionings proved fatal to the result.
"Next the son, the Stunning-Cantab: He suggested curves of beauty, Curves pervading all his figure, Which the eye might follow onward Till they centered in the breastpin, Centered in the golden breastpin. He had learnt it all from Ruskin, Author of the _Stones of Venice_."
But, in spite of such culture, the portrait was a failure, and the elder sister fared no better. Then the younger brother followed, and his portrait was so awful that--
"In comparison the others Seemed to one's bewildered fancy To have partially succeeded."