Mess John. You appear to be such a stupid fellow, the like of you should neither have lawful child or bastard, and I admire that such an ideot as you, was allowed to be married to any woman; and you James, who is the elder of that proportion, should have given information of this man’s capacity, before he was joined to a wife.[15]
Elder. Indeed sir, ye ken very well, he answered the questions at the examine, better nor any other fouks, and I think he is best married, for he might a gotten mae bystarts and fasht us.
Jock. Indeed stir, it’s very true, for when ance I got the gate o’ women, I cou’d na bide aff them, but our Maggy was unco cunnen, she wad na let me do naething but kiss her and kittle her till ance we was married.
Mess John. I’ll ask no more questions at him: call on his mother, (in she comes,) Goodwife, we have ordered your son to appear three Sabbaths on the stool an’ there to be reproved before the congregation publicly an’ be absolved from the scandal.
Mother. Than the ill thief be in his a--se Mess John, gin e’er he set his hips upon’t, my bairn on your black stool? and wadna’t be a great blunder on the auld black face o’t, to my son to gang on’t before the young laird, who has had twa bystarts and ne’er set a hip on’t yet, and he’s continually riding on the hussies to this day, and them that wadna let him, he rives their duds, and kicks their doups. A dear Mess John, an ye gie gentle fouk a toleration to whore, to fornicate, kiss an’ kuddle a wee, wi’ ilka body they like, I’ll gie you ten marks and gie’t to me and my son too.
Mess John. And what shall we do with these odious persons?
Elders. Indeed, sir, we see not what we can make of them.
Mess. John. Make of them, we’ll exclude them from all church benefit, and lay them under the lesser excommunication.[16]
Mith. Indeed stir, tak your mind o’t as our cat did o’ the haggies, when she sippit it a’, and crap in o’ the bag.
If ye winna christen the wean, ye canna hinder us to cast a cogfu’ o’ water on the face o’t, and ca’t ony thing we like.
So out she goes shooting Jockey before her, so John went and pisht on the auld minister’s widow’s gavel, and there was nae mair about it that day.
HOW JOCKEY AND HIS MOTHER WENT AWAY TO SEE HIS BASTARD CHILD, &c.