Clarence--Something coming out, I should say.
There was a young lady named Moll Who purchased a new parasol, With a handle so long That she had to be strong Or she couldn't have lugged it at all.
She met a young man who, 'twas plain, Was staggering with might and main To steady his gait 'Neath the terrible weight Of his dreadfully cumbersome cane.
So intent was the beautiful Moll In lugging her long parasol, That she passed the young swain With the cumbersome cane And never once saw him at all.
What a narrow escape for that swain! Had she recognized him he would fain Have lifted his hat; But how could he do that And carry his cumbersome cane?
Some of the Vassar girls have organized a gum-chewing association. They meet for cul-chaw.
It is not good to take tea in the middle of the day. The man who tried it in an Austin grocery store when he thought the clerk was not looking is our authority.
Mrs. Magoogin's Promised Donation to the World's Fair Committee.
"Did ye hear about the Wurruld's Fair, Mrs. McGlaggerty?"
"Sorra's the wurrud, me frind. Fwhat's there about id, Mrs. Magoogin?"
"Yis, an' they're roisin' the money fur id, avourneen," said the Widow Magoogin. "A committay's bin appinted to go around an' ax payple fwhat they're willin' to shushcroibe an' they pits down the names an' prints thim in the papers, an' there's a hully-balloo an' jubilorum, an' uv'rybody sez Noo Yarrick is a fine place, an' that brings the Wurruld's Fair to iz, Mrs. McGlaggerty. Now, thin, fwhat ar' you goin' to shushcroibe fwhin the committay calls round to see ye, Mrs. McGlaggerty?"
"Divil a cint Oi have to give thim, Mrs. Magoogin," said the neighbor.
"Fy fur shame, Mrs. McGlaggerty--that's no way to be afther thraiting the committay. Fwhere's yer h'art, woman? Have ye no sinse, at all, at all, alanna? Fwhisper an' I'll tell ye fwhat Berdie Magoogin's goin' to say to thim fwhin they comes an' axes her to shushcroibe. 'Gud mawrnin', Mrs. Magoogin.' they'll say to me. 'The same to ye, sors,' Oi'll say to thim. 'Fwhat'll ye shushcroibe to the Wurruld's Fair this foine mawrnin', ma'am?' they'll ax me nuxt. 'Fwhat did the McGuffin's beyant give ye?' Oi'll ax thim. 'Nawthin',' they'll say to me. 'Thin id's breakin' their h'arts they ar' intoirely givin' nawthin' to an interproise av this koind, sors,' Oi'll say to thim. 'An' fwhat'll we put ye down for, ma'am?' they'll say to me. 'Well, gintlemin av the committay,' Oi'll say to thim, puttin' an me Sunda' shmoile an' howldin' me head as proud as a paycock--'well, gintlemin,' Oi'll say, 'it isn't mooch that Berdie Magoogin has--there's only the shanty an' the goat an' a bit av furnicher, some av fwhich is in pawn--but Oi'll tell ye fwhat Oi'll do, gintlemin,' Oi'll say to thim. 'Berdie Magoogin'll agree to give twinty-noin thousan' eight hundhert an' tin dollars out av her own pocket to the Wurruld's Fair, aff the committay kin foind noineteen other widdy womin an Cherry Hill that'll do the same thing, an' how diz that praposishun shoot ye, gintlemin?' Oi'll say to thim. Thin they'll go away shmoiling an' they'll tell uv'rybody about id, an' uv'rybody'll say how ginerous is Mrs. Magoogin'v!