Judge: "Have you read the Constitution of the United States?"
Judge: "Have you read the history of the United States?"
Applicant: "Oi have some red hair on the back of me neck, your honor."
Bishop Potter tells of an incident that occurred at a negro camp-meeting. The presiding elder had a voice like a fog-horn and used it to the full in exhortation.
"Lord," he prayed, "give us power! Give us, Lord, power! We want power, oh, Lord! Power is what we want--more power! Give us power we beseech Thee."
"Elder," came a voice from the seats, "yo’ is shuh wrong. ’Tain’t power what yo’ need, but idees."
Perhaps he invented the story, but a well-known photographer tells this for a fact. A woman entered his studio.
"Well," said the woman, sorrowfully, "I’ll have to see you again. I’ve only got eleven."
It is told of a certain normal school professor, that a student once asked him whether peroxiding the hair is injurious to the brain.
"Why, I’ve heard it is," said the student.
"No," repeated the professor. "Any person who peroxides the hair hasn’t any brain to injure."
During the Civil War an old negro was overheard praying. "Oh, Lord," he said, "bress the Union soldiers! Bress General Grant! Oh, Lord, he is coming down here to save us. Oh, bress General Grant! He has a white face, but he’s got a black heart."
Charles Francis Adams was escorting an English friend about Boston. They were viewing the different objects of attraction and came finally to Bunker Hill. They stood looking at the splendid monument, when Mr. Adams remarked:
"This is the place, sir, where Warren fell."
"Ah!" replied the Englishman, evidently not very familiar with American history. "Was he seriously hurt by his fall?"
Mr. Adams looked at his friend. "Hurt!" said he, "he was killed, sir."
"Ah! indeed!" the Englishman replied, still eying the monument and commencing to compute its height in his own mind. "Well, I should think he might have been--falling so far."
Mildred is a bright little girl of six. The other day she was with her mother in the park when she saw a dog whose species was entirely new to her.
That evening she thus described it to her father:
"It was such a funny dog, father; it looked about a dog and a half long, and only half a dog high; and it had only four legs, but looked as if it ought to have six."