"Learned men, now and then, Have very strange vagaries!"
However, he commenced spinning the teetotum, turn and turn with Jacob Philpot, who was highly delighted both with the drollery of the thing, and the honour of playing with the parson of the parish, and laughed most immoderately, while the stranger stood by, looking at his stop-watch as demurely as on the preceding evening, until the five minutes had expired; and then, in the middle of the Rev. Mr Stanhope's spin, he took up the little toy and put it into his pocket.
Jacob Philpot immediately arose, and shook the stranger warmly by the hand, and told him that he should be happy to see him whenever he came that way again; and then nodding to Mr Stanhope and the landlady, went out at the front door, mounted the horse that stood there, and rode away. "Where's the fellow going?" cried Mrs Philpot; "Hillo! Jacob, I say!"--"Well, mother," said the Reverend Mr Stanhope, "what's the matter now?" but Mrs Philpot had reached the front of the house, and continued to shout "Hillo! hillo, come back, I tell you!"--"That woman is always doing some strange thing or other," observed Mr Stanhope to the stranger. "What on earth can possess her to go calling after the parson in that manner?"--"I declare he's rode off with Squire Jones's horse," cried Mrs Philpot, re-entering the house. "To be sure he has," said Mr Stanhope; "he borrowed it on purpose to go to the Old Boar."--"Did he?" exclaimed the landlady; "and without telling me a word about it! But I'll Old Boar him, I promise you!"--"Don't make such a fool of yourself, mother," said the parson; "it can't signify twopence to you where he goes."--"Can't it?" rejoined Mrs Philpot. "I'll tell you what, your worship----"--"Don't worship me, woman," exclaimed the teetotum landlord parson; "worship! what nonsense now! Why, you've been taking your drops again this morning, I think. Worship, indeed! To be sure, I did once, like a fool, promise to worship _you_; but if my time was to come over again, I know what----But, never mind now--don't you see it's twelve o'clock? Come, quick, let us have what there is to eat, and then we'll have a comfortable pipe under the tree. What say you, sir?"--"With all my heart," replied the elderly stranger. Mrs Philpot could make nothing of the parson's speech about worshipping her; but the order for something to eat was very distinct; and though she felt much surprised thereat, as well as at the proposed smoking under the tree, she, nevertheless, was much gratified that so unusual an order should be given on that particular day, as she had a somewhat better dinner than usual, namely, a leg of mutton upon the spit. Therefore she bustled about with exceeding goodwill, and Sally spread a clean cloth upon the table in the little parlour for the parson and the strange old gentleman; and when the mutton was placed upon the table, the latter hoped they should have the pleasure of Mrs Philpot's company; but she looked somewhat doubtfully till the parson said, "Come, come, mother, don't make a bother about it; sit down, can't you, when the gentleman bids you." Therefore she smoothed her apron and made one at the dinner-table, and conducted herself with so much precision that the teetotum parson looked upon her with considerable surprise, while she regarded him with no less, inasmuch as he talked in a very unclerical manner; and, among other strange things, swore that his wife was as "drunk as blazes" the night before, and winked at her, and behaved altogether in a style very unbecoming a minister in his own parish.