_STANZAS, addressed to Mrs...., of ... Terrace Cat and Mutton Fields._
You 'cat,' that would 'worry a rat!' You 'cow with the crumpled horn!' I wish you were _squeez'd_,—and that's _flat_,— For ill-using a 'Maiden forlorn.'
You're as bad as a _slave-driver_ quite, Altho' you subscrib'd to the tracts;— If the linen's wash'd ever so _white_, You always complain of the _blacks_.
A servant is worthy her _hire_; You pilfer one-fourth of her due, For tho' she does all you desire, She only gets _ire_ from you.
A fit she had, one afternoon, When you set her a-cleaning the paint; And while she was off in a _swoon_, You said it was only a _feint_.
A party you had yesterday,— No wonder so often she swoons,— For as soon as the folks went away, You began to be missing the _spoons_!
She was cleaning the windows last week (Such savings are very small gains), You scolded her while you could speak, And told her she didn't take _panes_.
She cleans all the boots and the shoes; When she's done 'em she sits down to cry: WARREN'S JET is the blacking you choose; But od _'rabbit_ that _Warren_! say I.
For this you can make no excuse:— You'd a party at whist t'other day, And you scolded away like the _deuce_, 'Cause the sandwiches dropp'd from the _tray_.
You tell her she dresses too gay (You're afraid that she'll cut out your gals), You strip lace and ribbons away, And say she shan't wear such fal-lals.
'Tis in vain her attempting to speak, For your heart is as hard as a stone; But she means to be married next week; Then she'll 'do what she likes with her own.'
┌─────────────┬───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ 1836.] │ AUGUST. │ ├─────────────┴───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤ │Perhaps the Minister has passed the budget, and given the Houses │ │leave to trudge it;—the lawyer folds his brief, with little grief;— │ │closed are the Halls, against all calls;—John Doe and Richard Roe may│ │go;—the debtor breathes, respited from mishap; and Bailiffs, wanting │ │jobs, may keep _a Tap_. │ ├──┬──────────┬──────────────────────────────────────────┬────────────┤ │ M│ Season's │ =Odd Matters.= │ WEATHER. │ │ D│ Signs. │ │ │ ├──┼──────────┼──────────────────────────────────────────┼────────────┤ │ 1│In │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ 2│Germany │ BRIGHTON. │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ 3│they │Well here, once more, on Brighton's shore,│ the end of │ │ │ │ We're safe arrived at last; │ │ │ 4│rest │So, Mister Snip, don't have the hyp, │ ☽ ♓ ☌ ☍ │ │ │ │ Nor look so _overcast_. │ │ │ 5│their │ │ my │ │ │ │We've not been here this many a year; │ │ │ 6│heads │ So do not look so blue, │ │ │ │ │But sport your cash, and cut a dash, │ divining │ │ 7│betwixt │ As other people do. │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ 8│a pair │There's Mistress Skait,-she wouldn't wait,│ rod, │ │ │ │ But off she tripp'd so gaily: │ │ │ 9│of │She struts along amid the throng: │ ⚹ ♈ ♃ ♐ ♊ │ │ │ │ _Her_ husband isn't _scaly_. │ │ │10│feather │ │ ☉ ♐ ♓ │ │ │ │There's Mistress _Wick_, and little Dick, │ │ │11│beds; │ Have come to have a _dipping_; │ and │ │ │ │And there's her niece, who's been to │ │ │ │ │ _Greece_, │ │ │12│a famous │ Is now all over _dripping_. │ │ │ │ │ │ exploring │ │13│plan, I │And oh, what fun! there's Martha Gunn │ │ │ │ │ (But no, that gun's _gone off_), │ │ │14│will be │But only look at that sea-cook │ the mazes │ │ │ │ A-sousing Mrs. Gough. │ │ │15│bound, │ │ │ │ │ │Well, I declare, there's Mrs. _Ware_ │ of │ │16│while │(She's every _where_, I think)— │ │ │ │ │Her spouse, I know, is quite her beau, │ │ │17│frost & │ And never spares the chink. │ ☉ ♃ ♐ ♂ ☍ │ │ │ │ │ │ │18│snow │And, last of all, there's Mr. Ball, │ │ │ │ │ Who promis'd Mrs. B— │ futurity, │ │19│are on │And kindly has _redeem'd_ his _pledge_,— │ │ │ │ │ That she should see the sea. │ │ │20│the │ │ with the │ │ │ │So, Mister Snip, don't have the hyp, │ │ │21│ground, │ Nor look so monstrous blue; │ │ │ │ │But sport your cash, and cut a dash, │heedfulness │ │22│but │ As other people do. │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │23│in the │ │ ♎ ♅ ☉ ♐ │ │ │ │ │ │ │24│Dog │ │ │ │ │ │ │of one, who,│ │25│Days' │ │ │ │ │ │ │ knowing │ │26│raging │ │ │ │ │ │ │ the │ │27│heat, I │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │28│shouldn't │ │ ♃ ♉ ♒ ☽ │ │ │ │ │ │ │29│think it │ │weightiness │ │ │ │ │ │ │30│such a │ │ of the │ │ │ │ │ │ │31│treat. │ │ │ └──┴──────────┴──────────────────────────────────────────┴────────────┘