[Illustration: HE DID NOT GET THE ORDER THOUGH.]
MR. RETIRED POLITICIAN (to Society Artist)--Now you are sure you can make a good likeness of me?
SOCIETY ARTIST--Oh, yes; you see yours is a very simple face--er, er, I mean to draw, you know.
A great deal of fault can be found with a defaulter.
Policeman (to street musician)--Have you a permit to play on the streets?
Policeman (making him a prisoner)--Then accompany me.
Itinerant Musician--With the greatest pleasure. What do you wish to sing?
Husband--I guess Sarah and that young man that calls on her are engaged by this time.
Husband--The gas bills aren't as large as they used to be.
"Have you ever tried, Lawrence, to estimate the height of my father's regard for you?"
"No, but it occurred to me last night that it was about a foot."
"Did you intend to hit this man when you shot at him?" asked the Judge.
"No, sah; if I had 'tended to hit 'im I would 'er tuck a club."
Citizen (to tramp)--Poor fellow! You look as if you had been in the soup.
Tramp (half famished)--For heaven's sake, tell me on which side to open my mouth.
There is nothing novel in the announcement that Mrs. Chamer has abandoned literature. Amelie's literature has always been more or less abandoned.
LE SAWFT--Why, captain, what in the world is that flat boat for?
CAPTAIN--That is for use in landing dudes.
Claus Spreckels wants to build houses of sugar. If an apartment building of this material is erected we are willing to take a sweet of rooms.
He Enjoys Fresh Air and Mosquitoes to His Heart's Content--His Original Method of Milking Not Indorsed by the Cow.
"Well, what do you think!" exclaimed Mr. Bowser as he came hurrying home from the office the other afternoon.
"Have you gone and got some more hens or bought another horse?"
"Mrs. Bowser, the event of our life is about to happen."
"You know Gregg? Well, Gregg owns a little farm out here about twelve miles. There's a good house on it, and he says we can occupy it for the summer. We will have a cow and a horse, pigs, poultry and other stock, and we'll go out there and tan up and get fat and have the best time in the world."
"I don't think much of the idea, Mr. Bowser."
"You don't. You don't want cool breezes--fresh eggs--fresh berries--rich milk--songs of birds--lowing of the kine and rest from care!"