WILLIE. "Did he give you any message for me?"
FRANK. "Yes; he asked me to tell you to drop him a line."
TEACHER. "Tell me of some rule in your experience that did not work both ways?"
JOHN. "The rule which you broke yesterday in hitting Jack Brooks' hand."
FRANCES. "Oh, mamma! are you sure Santa Claus knows my name is spelt with an e; it makes me so worried."
MAMMA. "Why, what's the matter, my dear?"
FRANCES. "Because if he thought it was spelt with an i, he might bring me boys' toys for Christmas, and that would be terrible."
JACK. "Papa, isn't it always best to have one head to everything?"
JACK. "Well, then, what makes you say two heads are better than one."
SUNDAY-SCHOOL TEACHER. "Can any little boy tell me what man attained the greatest age in the world?"
PAPA. "Well, Tommy, what do you want Santa Claus to bring you this Christmas?"
TOMMY. "Oh, jes the same as usual--one of everything he can think of."
PAPA. "A cannibal? What do you mean, Tommy?"
TOMMY. "Well, I heard you say the other day that he lived on his friends."
TONY. "Pa, I can tell you how to get back your umbrella that was stolen."
TONY. "Go to Mr. Textor. He advertises 'Umbrellas Repaired and Recovered,' you know."
"Mamma, how do you spell court-house?" said little Willie.
"C-o-u-r-t-h-o-u-s-e, dear," answered his mother.
"But I should think you ought to spell it, C-a-u-g-h-t-house, because all the people who are caught are taken there," responded little Willie.
End of Project Gutenberg's Harper's Round Table, November 26, 1895, by Various