The Adventures of Hajji Baba of Ispahan — Part 191

To all of this, and much more, I said ‘Yes, yes,’ and ‘no, no,’ as fast as the necessity of the remark required; and I enjoyed the satisfaction of being looked upon as a man just come out of a battle. The vizier then called to one of his mirzas or secretaries, ‘Here,’ said he, ‘you must make out a _fatteh nameh_ (a proclamation of victory), which must immediately be sent into the different provinces, particularly to Khorassan, in order to overawe the rebel khans there; and let the account be suited to the dignity and character of our victorious monarch. We are in want of a victory just at present; but, recollect, a good, substantial, and bloody victory.’

‘How many strong were the enemy?’ inquired the mirza, looking towards me.

‘_Bisyar, bisyar,_ many, many,’ answered I, hesitating and embarrassed how many it would be agreeable that I should say.

‘Put down fifty thousand,’ said the vizier coolly.

‘How many killed?’ said the mirza, looking first at the vizier, then at me.

‘Write ten to fifteen thousand killed,’ answered the minister: ‘remember these letters have to travel a great distance. It is beneath the dignity of the Shah to kill less than his thousands and tens of thousands. Would you have him less than Rustam, and weaker than Afrasiab? No, our kings must be drinkers of blood, and slayers of men, to be held in estimation by their subjects, and surrounding nations. Well, have you written?’ said the grand vizier.

‘Yes, at your highness’s service,’ answered the mirza; ‘I have written (reading from his paper) ‘that the infidel dogs of Moscovites (whom may Allah in his mercy impale on stakes of living fires!) dared to appear in arms to the number of fifty thousand, flanked and supported by a hundred mouths spouting fire and brimstone; but that as soon as the all-victorious armies of the Shah appeared, ten to fifteen thousand of them gave up their souls; whilst prisoners poured in in such vast numbers, that the prices of slaves have diminished 100 per cent in all the slave-markets of Asia.’

‘Barikallah! Well done,’ said the grand vizier. ‘You have written well. If the thing be not exactly so, yet, by the good luck of the Shah, it will, and therefore it amounts to the same thing. Truth is an excellent thing when it suits one’s purpose, but very inconvenient when otherwise.’