P. S. Pa says here are some questions that half of the Public are asking the other half: Question—What is an automobile? Answer—A wagon with big rubbers on its feet. Name two uses of the automobile? Ans. To run people down and to run them in. What is the horn used for? Ans. To frighten the life out of one, so he will stand still and get run over. What’s the difference in running over a dog and a man? Ans. If you run over a dog it costs you $5, or if a man, 5 years. What is a constable? A man with the hoe who is too lazy to work, so arrests every man he sees in an automobile.
Well, what do you think! I have been to Atlantic City for the Automobile races. Had I been older Pa says I could have entered my Franklin car for the race, but he said “no use for a girl to try,” so I just looked on. I fell in love with Miss Rogers, she is a smart woman, a real thoroughbred, Pa says. Ma don’t dare to drive a car; she is a ’fraid-cat, won’t even shoot the shoots at Coney Island. Why, they don’t make anything I wouldn’t try! I got old Deacon Weston to ride the flying horses with me at Coney Island, and the band played “There will be a Hot Time in the Old Town To-night.” Deacon Weston’s coat-tails blew out behind him like the American flag in a gale of wind, and the boys nearly died to see how hard he held on. It’s jolly fun to live! I heard Pa say Mrs. Pat Campbell and her poodle had solved the joy of living, but I don’t believe she has half the fun I do. Why, I can climb a tree if I like to. Pa says I shouldn’t, else I’ll be a tomboy. I don’t see how I can be a tomboy when I am a girl, but Pa says that there are lots of things you don’t learn in school. I like school pretty well, but like most girls, I am more fond of vacations. In vacation, in summer, we go to grandpa’s in the country, out in Pennsylvania. I stepped on a bumblebee one day—that is, I tried to, but I didn’t step heavy. He saw my foot coming and it was bare, and he made me dance good, for a little. I don’t think I’ll walk in the dewy grass any more in the morning. Pa told Ma it would keep me always young, and as I don’t want to grow up I just went out to try it, but I believe I will even be willing to wear long dresses and grow up, if I have to dance to a bumblebee sting; I don’t like the music at all, too much pain in it, for harmony.