The widowers, that had bit of the bridle, passed from place to place, where they stayed more or less, according to their entertainment, and so were in effect, as good as married; for as long, or as little a while as themselves pleased. These lived single, and spent their time in visiting, first one friend, then another. Here they fell in love; there they kindled a jealousy, which they contracted themselves in one place, and cured it in another. But the miracle was, that they all knew, and confessed themselves a company of mad fools, and yet continued so. Those that had skill in music, and could either sing or fiddle, made use of their gifts, to put the silly wenches that were but half moped before, directly out of their wits. They that were poetical were perpetually hammering upon the subjects of cruelty and disappointment. One tells his good fortune to another, that requites him with the story of his bad. They that had set their hearts upon girls were beating the streets all day, to find what avenues to a lady’s lodgings at night. Some were tampering and caressing the chamber-maid, as the ready way to the mistress. Others chose rather to put it to the push, and attempt the lady herself. Some were examining their pockets and taking a view of their furniture, which consisted much in love-letters, delicately sealed up with perfumed wax, upon raw silk; and a thousand pretty devices within; all wrapt up in riddle, and cipher. Abundance of hair bracelets, lockets, pomanders, knots of riband, and the like. There were others, that were called the husband’s friends, who were ready upon all occasions to do this, and to do that kindness for the husband. Their purse, credit, coach and horses, were all at his service; and in the meantime, who but they to gallant the wife? To the park, the gardens, a treat, or a comedy, where forty to one, by the greatest good luck in the world, they stumble upon an aunt, an old housekeeper of the family, or some such reverend goer-between that’s a well-willer to the mathematics; she takes the hint, performs the good office, and the work is done.
Now there were two sorts of fools for the widows: the one was beloved, and the other not. The latter were content to be a kind of voluntary slaves, for the compassing their ends; but the other were the happier, for they were ever at perfect liberty to do their pleasure, unless some friend or child of the house perchance came in, in the mischievous nick, and then in case of a little colour more than ordinary, or a tumbled handkercher: ’twas but changing the scene, and struggling for a paper of verses, or some such business to keep all in countenance. Some made their assaults both with love and money, and they seldom failed, for they came doubly armed; and your Spanish pistols are a sort of battery hardly to be resisted.