Father Thames, not content with his customary course, has been "swelling it" in the course of the week, through some of the streets of the metropolis. As if to inculcate temperance, he walked himself down into public-house cellars, filling all the empty casks with water, and adulterating all the beer and spirits that came in his way; turning also every body's fixed into floating capital. Half empty butts, whose place was below, came sailing up into the bar through the ceiling of the cellar; saucepans were elevated from beneath the dresser to the dresser itself; while cups were made "to pop off the hooks" with surprising rapidity.
But the greatest consternation that prevailed was among the _rats_, particularly those in the neighbourhood of Downing-street, who were driven out of the sewers they inhabit with astounding violence.
The dairies on the banks of the Thames were obliged to lay aside their customary practice of inundating the milk; for such a "meeting of the waters" as would otherwise have ensued must have proved rather too much, even for the regular customers.
Why is it impossible for a watch that indicates the smaller divisions of time ever to be new?--Because it must always be a second-hand one.
PUNCH'S INFORMATION FOR THE PEOPLE.--No. V.
THE OPERA-DANCER (_H. capernicus_--CERITOE).
So decidedly does this animal belong to the Bimana order of beings, that to his two legs he is indebted for existence. Most of his fellow bipeds live by the work of their hands, except indeed the feathered and tailor tribes, who live by their bills; but from his thighs, calves, ancles, and toes, does the opera-dancer derive subsistence for the less important portions of his anatomy.
_Physiology._--The body, face, and arms of the opera-dancer present no peculiarities above the rest of his species; and it is to his lower extremities alone that we must look for distinguishing features. As our researches extend downwards from head to foot, the first thing that strikes us is a protuberance of the ante-occipital membranes, so great as to present a back view that describes two sides of a scalene triangle, the apex of which projects posteriorly nearly half way down the figure. That a due equilibrium may be preserved in this difficult position (technically called "the first"), the toes are turned out so as to form a right angle with the lower leg. Thus, in walking, this curious being presents a mass of animated straight lines that have an equal variety of inclination to a bundle of rods carelessly tied up, or to Signor Paganini when afflicted with the lumbago.