The wedding o'er, away she went, To Guy the tidings carried, And gave to him the newspaper That told his love was married.
Then Guy a loaded pistol took: "I'll kill myself!" he cried; "Because I will not _side_ with _Sue_, I'll be a _suicide_."
When Susan heard him say these words, She at _her_ brains let fly: And down, a corse, he sank, by Jove; And down she sank—by Guy!
┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┬─────────────┐ │ SEPTEMBER. │ [1837.│ ├──┬────────────────────────────────────────────────────┴─────────────┤ │ │Soft, simple innocent!—how well you show │ │ │ The gentle pastimes of your Cockney mates; │ │ │From him, who sparrows shoots with penny bow, │ │ │ To him who, armed with Manton, braves the fates! │ │ │Alack! it grieves me that this shoeless boy │ │ │Should bootless follow the delusive joy; │ │ │For e'en the salt of _attic_ wit doth fail │ │ │To catch a goose:—'and thereby hangs a tale.' │ ├──┼────────────────────────────────────────────────────┬─────────────┤ │D.│ =Great Events and Odd Matters.= │ _Prognosti- │ │ │ │ fications._ │ ├──┼────────────────────────────────────────────────────┼─────────────┤ │ │Passenger-shooting begins. Old ladies and young │ │ │ 1│ children deemed fair game by cab and omnibus │ │ │ │ drivers. │ │ │ │ │ Further- │ │ 2│New _Style_. Eleven days _stepped_ over. │ more, │ │ │ │ │ │ 3│ │ △ ☿ ♍ ♅ │ │ │ [Illustration]│ │ │ 4│_Bartlemy Fair._ "Fair is foul, and foul is fair," │ let a │ │ │ Dabble thro' the mud "and filthy │ │ │ │ air." │ │ │ 5│ │ needy man │ │ │ │ │ │ 6│The sun of Bartlemy is well-nigh set, and his │ ☉ ♊ │ │ │latest rays are dull as the Dutch metal that gilds │ │ │ 7│his gingerbread kings. The last fair was a foul │ essay to │ │ │concern--the lions roared in a saw-dust solitude │ │ │ 8│and the monkeys chatter'd to empty boxes.--"Just │ open the │ │ │going to begin" was a never-ending cry, because │ │ │ 9│the sights waited all day for want of see-ers--Mr. │ heart or │ │ │Merryman was sad, for people would not down with │ │ │10│the dumps; and though he cried "Walk up! only │ draw │ │ │twopence," he failed to "take his change out of │ │ │11│that." In vain King Richard offer'd his kingdom │ the │ │ │for a horse; there were only a few asses within │purse-strings│ │12│ear-ing. The sausages met with no stuffers, and │ │ │ │the dog-meat pies remained unbitten, though the │ ♌ ♒ ♀ ♓ │ │13│chimney- sweeps looked rabid at 'em. The hot │ │ │ │spiced nuts met with a cold reception; the baked │ of a │ │14│plum pudding was at no price current; and the │ │ │ │ginger beer, though well up, would not go down. │fair-weather │ │15│The pyramids of apples stood as unmoved as those │ │ │ │of Egypt; but the nuts alone looked happy, for │ friend, │ │16│the people gave them "none of their jaw." The │ │ │ │temperance societies have turned the table to a │ ☉ ☿ ♂ │ │17│T;--Men who have left off gin do not support Mr. │ │ │ │Gingell; and water-drinkers have no affection │ and shall │ │18│for fire-eaters. As to the gin temples, they │ │ │ │found their day pretty well over, so they blazed │ he not │ │19│at night, but their illuminated dials have made │ │ │ │the world suspect "what's o'clock." Even the │ forthwith │ │20│pickpockets failed of their harvest: for as the │ │ │ │people abandoned the knaves in spirit, they were │ experience │ │21│able to guard against the rogues in grain. │ │ │ │ │ ☉ ♂ │ │22│ │ │ │ │ │_a cool and_ │ │23│ │ │ │ │ │_frosty air_,│ │24│HARE HUNTING. │ │ │ │ │ ☊ ♏ ♅ ♍ │ │25│ │ │ │ │ │ sufficient │ │26│ │ │ │ │ │ ♃ ♄ ♊ │ │27│ │ │ │ │ │ to blight │ │28│ │ │ │ │ │ all the │ │29│QUARTER DAY. │ │ │ │ │ blossoms │ │30│The landlord seizes for his rent, but can't be │ of hope? │ │ │ called a cheat, │ │ │ │For though he takes your stools and chairs, he │ │ │ │ leaves you a _re-seat_. │ │ └──┴────────────────────────────────────────────────────┴─────────────┘