"This is indeed a rich stock," said the dullal; "you may be able to sell most of the cloths, but I question whether the whole, without you intend to remain here some time."
"That depends upon circumstances over which I have no control," said my father; "if I cannot sell them all here, I shall take what remains to Poona."
"Well," said the man, "if I am permitted, I will make memorandums of all that there is here, and in the course of to-morrow will let you know what can be done. I cannot do so earlier, for I shall have to visit all the dealers."
"Do what you think best," said my father, "and here are ten rupees for your expenses. Now begone, and let me see you again at this time to-morrow." The fellow made many salams and took his leave.
"Did you ever see so pitiful a wretch?" said my father. "For two cowrees I would have strangled him on the spot, to put an end to so disgraceful a coward."
"Let him pass," said I; "he is but a Hindoo, and not worth thinking of. But you are not going to let him off with all the money you have promised him?"
"Of course not," replied my father; "you understand, I suppose, what is to be done?"
I went to Zora, my own gentle Zora. She had been speaking much of visiting her kindred, and though I had put her off as well as I could since we arrived, I saw with concern that I had no longer any pretext for detaining her. I could have fled with her--I think I could. Such was the intensity of my love for her, that, had I had the courage to speak of flight and she had agreed to accompany me, I verily believe I should have forsaken father, associates, and profession, and committed myself to the world. And if I had, said the Thug, musing, should I have been worse off than I am now? should I ever have worn these disgraceful fetters? have ever doomed myself to perpetual imprisonment and a state of existence which I would to heaven were ended, and should be ended, but that I have (and I curse myself for it), a mean, base, aye, cowardly lingering for life! Sahib, I tell you it would have been well for me had I then fled--fled from guilt and crime, into which I daily plunged deeper. With my soldierlike figure, my address, my skill in the use of arms, I might have gained honourable service; I might have led armies, or have met a soldier's death on some battle-field! But it was not so written; it was not my fate, and I am what I am--a curse to myself, and to all with whom I have ever been connected.