"Capital, Mr. Tims. Well, how did you get on?"
"A moment's patience, with your honour's leave.--Ah! truly might it be said of her, that she was descended from the high and great--her grandfather having been not only six feet three, without the shoes, but for forty odd years principal bell-ringer in the steeple of St. Giles's, Cripplegate; and her grandmother, for long and long, not only head dry-nurse to one of the noblest families in all England, but _bona fide_ twenty-two stone avoirdupois--so that it was once proposed, by the undertaker, to bury her at twice! As to this nonpareil of lovely flesh and blood, her name was Lucy Mainspring, the daughter of a horologer, sir,--a watchmaker--_vulgo_ so called--and though fattish, she was very fair--fair! by Jupiter, (craving your honour's pardon for swearing,) she fairly made me give all other thoughts the cut, and twisted the passions of my heart with the red-hot torturing irons of love. 'Pon honour, sir, I almost grow foolish when I think of those days; but love, sir, nothing can resist love."
"I hope, Mr. Tims, you were in better luck with Miss Mainspring?"
"A _leetle_ a _leetle_ patience, your honour, and all will be out as quick as directly--in the twinkling of a bed-post.--For three successive nights I sat up in a brown study, with a four-in-the-pound candle burning before me till almost cock-crow, composing a love-letter, a most elaborate affair, the pure overflowing of _la belle passion_, all about Venus, Cupids, bows and arrows, hearts, darts, and them things, which, having copied neatly over on a handsome sheet of foolscap, turned up with gilt, (for, though I say it myself, I scribble a smart fist,) I made a blotch of red wax on the back as large as a dollar, that thereon I might the more indelibly impress a seal, with a couple of pigeons cooing upon it, and '_toujours wotre_' for the motto. This I popped into the post-office, and waited patiently--may I add confidently?--for the result.
"No answer having come as I expected _per_ return, I began to smell that I was in the wrong box; so, on the following evening, I had a polite visit from her respectable old father, Daniel Mainspring, who asked me what my intentions were?--'To commence wig-maker on my own bottom,' answered I.--'But with respect to my daughter, sir?'--'Why, to be sure, to make her mistress, sir.'--'Mistress!' quoth he, 'did I hear you right, sir?'--'I hope you are not hard of hearing, Mr. Mainspring. I wish, sir--between us, sir--you understand, sir--to marry her, sir.'--'Then you can't have her, sir.'--'But I must, sir, for I can't do without her, sir.'--'Then you may buy a rope.'--'Ah! you would not sign my death-warrant--wouldn't you not now, Mr. Mainspring?'--'Before going,' said he, rummaging his huge coat-pockets with both hands at once, 'there is your letter, which I read over patiently, instead of my daughter, who has never seen it; and I hope you will excuse the liberty I take of calling you a great fool, and wishing you a good morning.'