Colonel Jackson, the opposing candidate, and ambitious for the office, hearing of this successful move on the part of his opponent, determined to counteract it if possible. To this end he started for the all-important settlement. On introducing himself, and after several fruitless attempts to dissipate the favourable effects of Mr. Morgan's visit, he was finally informed by one of the leading men of the precinct that:
"It ish no good you coming hare, Colonel Shackson, we have all promisht to vote for our friendt, Meisther Morgans."
"Ah! ha!" says the Colonel: "but did you hear what Mr. Morgan did when he returned from visiting you?"
"Why, he ordered his chamber-maid to bring him some soap and warm water, that he might wash the sour krout off his hands."
The Colonel left, and in a few days the election coming off, each candidate made his appearance at the critical German polls.
The votes were then given _viva voce_, and you may readily judge of Mr. Morgan's astonishment as each lusty Dutchman announced the name of Colonel Shackson, holding up his hand toward the outwitted candidate, and indignantly asking:
"Ah! ha! Meisther Morgans, you zee ony zour krout dare?"
It is needless to say that Colonel Shackson took a seat in the next Congress.
"SUSAN, stand up and let me see what you have learned. What does c-h-a-i-r spell?"
"Why, you ignorant critter! What do you always sit on?"
"What on earth is the matter with the gal?--tell what is it."
"I don't like to tell--it was Bill Crass's knee, but he never kissed me but twice."
"Airthquake and apple-sarse!" exclaimed the schoolmistress, and she fainted.
AN old gentleman who was always bragging how folks used to work in his young days, one time challenged his two sons to pitch on a load of hay as fast as he could load it.
The challenge was accepted and the hay-wagon driven round and the trial commenced. For some time the old man held his own very creditably, calling out, tauntingly, "More hay! more hay!"
Thicker and faster it came. The old man was nearly covered; still he kept crying, "More hay! more hay!" until struggling to keep on the top of the disordered and ill-arranged heap, it began first to roll, then to slide, and at last off it went from the wagon, and the old man with it.