GROSVENOR--I am somewhat taller than when I first knew you; remember that it is nigh on to thir-r-ty years since first we met by the village stream. Ah, Patience, the time has passed lightly enough on me, but with you it is very different.
GROSVENOR--You are quite right, Patience (_drawing himself up_). I am a Chicago & Alton Railroad Conductor, and _they_ are all very beautiful.
GROSVENOR--(_Sighs_) Ah, that is the bane of my life. It has the curse of fatal perfection. Since I first put it on I dare not go through the cars and collect tickets without an escort. All the women I meet fall madly in love with me. At the country depot when my train goes through, the entire female population flock out to get a glimpse at me. The life is one of torment.
PATIENCE--Then why do you not cast it away from you, and make yourself a commonplace person like the conductors of other roads?
GROSVENOR--No, Patience, that would be wrong. I have a mission in life. If it be my fortune to be the handsomest conductor on the finest railroad in the World, who am I that I should withhold the contemplation of my gifts from others? But will you love and marry me, Patience?
PATIENCE--(_Pointing to the sign on his hat bearing inscription Chicago & Alton conductor. Sings very much after La Mascotte._)
When I behold that magic sign a sweet joy agitates me.
Ah, Patience, you are right; this uniform must captivate thee.
When I look on those beauteous words just like a little chick I tremble.
The Alton is the greatest line, 'tis useless to dissemble.
[Illustration: AN OLD MAN SAT IN A RAILWAY SHOP.]
[Illustration: "It's the Alton Road that takes me home"]
[Illustration: GROSVENOR IS BURIED IN REVERIE.]
[Illustration: "I WILL HAVE YOU DISCHARGED FROM THE CHICAGO AND ALTON RAILROAD COMPANY."]
When the engine sounds its puff, puff, puff, puff, puff, puff.
When I look on that braid and buttons a strange awe overcomes me.
Ah, Patience, 'tis not strange this uniform becomes me.
Since I find you are an Alton man, I'll marry now instead of later.
If Patience did not love that road, I'm sure that I should hate her.
When the agent sweetly murmurs, Tickets, tickets, tickets.
When the brakeman gently gasps, How-oo-l-ng changekyarsfromummmsbrymummumspassgersfiminitsfreshments.