"Grandmother Gano, indeed! I'll grandmother him!"
It was a great score, too, when Julia Otway, Jerry's nearly two years older sister, assured Val that that common term of reproach "Grannie," was a corruption of the ancient and honorable title Gran'ma. Inseparably associating the word with the drunken rag-picker, "Ole Granny Gill," and the scathing juvenile satire, "Teach your granny to suck eggs," etc., Val determined on the next provocation to introduce the subject at home. She found occasion to dilate on the virtues of Julia Otway's grandmother. This was a shrunken and timid old lady, who sat unnoticed in the corner, clicking her knitting-needles, and usually saying nothing. When she did speak it was found her speech was odd, and the children laughed.
"Nearly everybody else's gran'ma knits stockens," Val observed one day, with critical eyes on the eternal book open on Mrs. Gano's knees.
"You know very few grandmothers," said the lady.
"I know Julia's. She's _so_ nice. I don't wonder Julia and Jerry like her."
"She's the _kindest_ person. She keeps a little chest o' drawers chock-full o' doughnuts and winter-green candy."
"Very strange use for a chest of drawers. Is the lady right in her head?"
Val, very indignant: "Goodness gracious! mercy me! I should think so!"
"I've told you not to use those exclamations."
"Do I understand you to be contradicting me?"
"You said I wasn't to say 'Oh, Lord!' nor 'Gee-rusa-lem!' nor 'Dear me suz!' nor 'Holy Moses!' I don't see what there's left to say."
"I said let your speech be 'Yea, yea,' and 'Nay, nay.' You are not to bring sacred names into common talk. The Jews of old had a proper instinct for these things. They never uttered the name of Jehovah even in prayer. No Jew would step upon a piece of parchment, for fear it might be inscribed with the name of God. It is impious to call upon the mercy of the Most High on trivial occasions."
"Yes, you do, when you use those expressions. God is 'gracious'; He alone is 'goodness.'"
Silence; then Val, recovering and returning to the attack:
"Jerningham Otway's grandmother knows as well as I do that this is a turbulent and stiff-necked generation, without fear of God or reverence for authority. _Her_ remedy seems to be effacement for herself and bribes for her young barbarians. But"--she had risen, and was towering--"I'd have you know, my lady, _I'm_ not a doughnut grandmother."