“Well, sir, in less than a fortnight, I happened to be in Waterborough on market-day; and as I came out of the horse-market, I see a crowd of foot-people running towards the High Street, and I hear a precious stamping and scuffling, and clattering of horses’ feet just round the corner where the milliner’s shop stands; so I walk on to see what the disturbance is. A precious shindy I found too. There was a donkey-cart drawed on to the pavement, and a hamper of greens upset on the door-step, and a old apple-woman cursing awful, and the foot-people flying into the middle of the street; and in the heart of them all, there was the grey horse right up against the milliner’s front-door, with his head going one way and his body another, and his tail tucked down in his quarters as if he meant mischief enough for a week; and Mr. Mohair (he’s a timid gentleman, Mr. Mohair), sitting on his back as white as a sheet, pulling of him by the bridle, and kicking of him in the ribs, afraid to quilt him as he should have done by rights; afraid to stick to him handsome, and yet more afraid still to get off his back, for there stood Mrs. Mohair in her best black satin gown, with a shawl pulled over her head, a rowing of him tremendous, and all the pretty girls in the milliner’s windows laughing fit to break their hearts. Well, I caught hold, and led him back to his own stable for pity’s sake; and Mr. Mohair behaved quite like a gentleman; but he sold him to run in the ’bus, and never got on his back again.”
“Very awkward for all parties,” observed Miss Lushington, probably following out a train of ideas of her own.
Tips stared at her for a considerable period, winked solemnly with his damaged eye, and then subsided once more into his gin-and-water.
“Do you think these vicious horses, then,” said I, “the most dangerous customers you have to deal with?”
“No, sir, I don’t,” was the reply; “vice in a horse is the most troublesome fault of all to cure, because it’s always breaking out again, and because a vicious beast is sure to be a sensible beast too. The horse-riders, you know, sir—them as teaches horses to fire pistols, and make tea, and dance on the tight-rope, and what not—they always give the preference to what they call a _restive_ one, because you see it’s the beast’s sagacity that makes him so difficult to break, if so be the breaker has begun with him the wrong way. It’s all _humbug_, sir, is horsemanship, that’s what it is; and the easier a horse is humbugged, the pleasanter he is to ride and drive. Now a real knowing ’un won’t be humbugged at no price, and so we come to forcing of him, which is always a difficult business, and then it’s ‘pull devil, pull baker,’ and if the baker pulls hardest, why we call him vicious. But he’s always got his wits about him, he has. He may be aggravating, _very_: but you can’t call him _dangerous_. He won’t put _himself_ into a mess, not if he knows it, and so he’s bound to take care of _you_, so long as you don’t part company. I recollect of a nag, a very neat one, as belonged to a friend of mine, who says to me one evening, ‘Tips,’ says he, ‘I’ll sell you my bay Galloway,’ says he, ‘for seventeen sovereigns, there, and a glass of gin-hot, for I dursn’t ride him, and that’s the truth.’ ‘I’ll give you three five-pun’ notes and a bottle of French brandy,’ says I, ‘if it’s all on the square.’ ‘Done!’ says he. ‘Done!’ says I; ‘and now what’s his little game?’ says I, when I’d ordered the brandy. ‘Well,’ says my friend, ‘whenever I ride down wharf-side to my business, he makes a dash for the canal, and tries to plunge over head in the deep water.’ ‘Has he ever been _in_ with you?’ says I. ‘Never!’ said he, ‘and I’ll take care he never _shall_. I’m a family man, Mr. Tips, and plagued with the rheumatics besides.’”