Conceive me if you dare, A whizzing thro' the air, A puffing and blowing, Raining or snowing, And every time I'm there.
Another grim old man, A sooty and jolly old man, "I tends to the boiler; Sometimes I oil her," A C. & A. stoker old man.
Conceive me if you can, A spruce and clean old man; It's only a fable, I know you're not able, I'm such a sooty old man.
A dainty, timid young man, A handle-your-baggage young man, Who never does smash it, And never says dash it, A typical C. & A. man.
Conceive me if you can, A most polite young man, Who's always urbane, And never profane, A Y. M. C. A. young man.
A suave and bland young man, A scented and puffed young man Who sells you a ticket, Thro' a nice little wicket, A thoroughly Alton man.
Conceive me if you can, A most urbane young man. Correct in my money, Sweet as new honey, A perfectly good young man.
[Illustration: I LOVE YOU AND AM YOURS FOREVER.]
[Illustration: Do not let that worry you, Grand Commander.]
[Illustration: "YES! CHOOSE FROM AMONG US."]
[Illustration: "REMEMBER THAT THE SOUL OF YOUR AMBITION HAS BEEN REACHED WHEN YOU BECAME A CONDUCTOR ON THE CHICAGO AND ALTON R.R."]
We're all of us railroad men, Genial, jolly-souled men; Some of us pretty, All of us witty, Chicago & Alton men.
Conceive us if you will, Jolly old bucks, but still We're always on time, And belong to the line That's right on the top of the hill.
(_Exit_ GROSVENOR, _dancing_. _Enter_ PATIENCE.)
G· C·--Ah, Patience, I am glad you are here. I will again renew my suit.
PATIENCE--I sew no more, Grand Commander; I am a dairy maid now.
G· C·--I do not mean that, fair Patience; I mean that I will again renew my request for your hand. Will you marry me?
PATIENCE--Do you smoke and chew tobacco, pick your teeth with a pin, wear dirty collars, sit on saloon railings, shake dice for the drinks in basement ginshops, and borrow money from your friends?
PATIENCE--Do you write scurrilous anonymous letters about your female relatives in the newspapers? Do you malign your friends, act the part of a professional witness in divorce cases, and systematically breed trouble in happy domestic circles?
PATIENCE--Then I will marry you. I cannot love you, but I will marry you.
G· C·--That makes no difference as long as you will marry me.