“The lying knaves! Don’t they say one’s well when one’s ill--ill when one’s well?--profess to know what don’t know?--thrust solemn phizzes into every abomination, as if larning lay hid in a--? and all for their neighbours’ money, or their own reputation, which makes money--augh! In short, Sir--look where will, impossible to see so much cheating allowed, praised, encouraged, and feel very angry with a cheat who has only made a mistake. But when I sees a man butter his bread carefully--knife steady--butter thick, and hungry fellows looking on and licking chops--mothers stopping their brats--‘See, child--respectable man--how thick his bread’s buttered!--pull off your hat to him:’--When I sees that, my heart warms: there’s the true man of the world--augh!”
“Well, Bunting,” said Walter, laughing, “though you are thus lenient to those unfortunate gentlemen whom others call rogues, and thus laudatory of gentlemen who are at best discreetly selfish, I suppose you admit the possibility of virtue, and your heart warms as much when you see a man of worth as when you see a man of the world?”
“Why, you knows, your honour,” answered the Corporal, “so far as vartue’s concerned, there’s a deal in constitution; but as for knowledge of the world, one gets it oneself!”
“I don’t wonder, Bunting--as your opinion of women is much the same as your opinion of men--that you are still unmarried.”
“Augh! but your honour mistakes!--I am no mice-and-trope. Men are neither one thing nor t’other--neither good nor bad. A prudent parson has nothing to fear from ‘em--nor a foolish one any thing to gain--baugh! As to the women creturs, your honour, as I said, vartue’s a deal in the constitution. Would not ask what a lassie’s mind be--nor what her eddycation;--but see what her habits be, that’s all--habits and constitution all one--play into one another’s hands.”
“And what sort of signs, Bunting, would you mostly esteem in a lady?”
“First place, Sir--woman I’d marry, must not mope when alone!--must be able to ‘muse herself; must be easily ‘mused. That’s a great sign, Sir, of an innocent mind, to be tickled with straws. Besides, employments keeps ‘em out of harm’s way. Second place, should obsarve, if she was very fond of places, your honour--sorry to move--that’s a sure sign she won’t tire easily; but that if she like you now from fancy, she’ll like you by and by from custom. Thirdly, your honour, she should not be avarse to dress--a leaning that way shows she has a desire to please: people who don’t care about pleasing, always sullen. Fourthly, she must bear to be crossed--I’d be quite sure that she might be contradicted, without mumping or storming;--‘cause then, you knows, your honour, if she wanted any thing expensive--need not give it--augh! Fifthly, must not be over religious, your honour; they pyehouse she-creturs always thinks themsels so much better nor we men;--don’t understand our language and ways, your honour: they wants us not only to belave, but to tremble--bother!”