COMEDIAN. [_Letting his burden down upon the grass._] Sit down, my love, and rest up. We go no further to-day. Your feet, your tender little feet must ache you. How unhappy that makes me! At the first opportunity I shall buy you an automobile.
HEROINE. And in the meantime you may carry me oftener.
COMEDIAN. The beast of burden hears and obeys.
[_Enter the_ INGENUE _and the_ "OLD WOMAN," _each carrying a small satchel_.
INGENUE. [_Weary and pouting._] Ah! No one carried _me_.
[_She sits on the grass to the right of the_ HEROINE.
[COMEDIAN _stretches himself out at the feet of the_ HEROINE _and emits the bray of a donkey_. "OLD WOMAN" _sits down on the grass to the left of the_ HEROINE.
"OLD WOMAN." And are we to pass the night here?
"OLD MAN." No, we shall stop at "Hotel Neverwas."
COMEDIAN. Don't you like our night's lodgings? [_Turning over toward the_ "OLD WOMAN."] See, the bed is broad and wide, and certainly without vermin. Just feel the high grass. Such a soft bed you never slept in. And you shall have a cover embroidered with the moon and stars, a cover such as no royal bride ever possessed.
"OLD WOMAN." You're laughing, and I feel like crying.
COMEDIAN. Crying? You should be ashamed of the sun which favors you with its setting splendor. Look, and be inspired!
[INGENUE _starts sobbing_. TRAGEDIAN _laughs heavily_.
COMEDIAN. [_Turning over to the_ INGENUE.] What! You are crying? Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
"OLD WOMAN." [_Sniffling._] I can't stand it any longer.
HEROINE. Stop it! Or I'll start bawling, too.
[COMEDIAN _springs to his knees and looks quickly from one woman to the other_.
COMEDIAN. [_Jumps up abruptly without the aid of his hands._] Ladies and gentlemen, I have it! [_In a measured and singing voice._] Ladies and gentlemen, I have it!
[_General commotion. The women stop crying and look up to the_ COMEDIAN _in amazement; the_ TRAGEDIAN _straightens himself out and casts a surprised look at the_ COMEDIAN; the "OLD MAN," _rubbing his hands, jumps to his feet; the_ VILLAIN _looks suspiciously at the_ COMEDIAN.
"OLD MAN." He-he-he--A bottle of whiskey.
COMEDIAN. You bet! A bottle of whiskey, hidden and preserved for such moments as this, a moment of masculine depression and feminine tears.