A prisoner of war advertises from Johnson's Island, in a New York journal, for a substitute to take his place in the military prison there:--"Wanted.--A substitute to stay here in my place. He must be 30 years old; have a good moral character; A 1 digestive powers, and not addicted to writing poetry. To such a one all the advantages of a strict retirement, army rations, and unmitigated watchfulness to prevent them from getting lost, are offered for an indefinite period. Address me at Block 1, Room 12, Johnson's Island Military Prison, at any time for the next three years, enclosing half a dozen postage stamps.--ASA HARTZ."
The _Croydon Democrat_ publishes the following platform arranged to suit all parties. The first column is the Secession platform, the second is the Abolition platform; and the whole read together is the Democratic platform. The platform is like the Union--as a whole it is Democratic, but divided, one half is Secession, and the other Abolition:--
Hurrah for The old Union Secession Is a curse We fight for The constitution The Confederacy Is a league with hell We love Free speech The rebellion Is treason We glory in A free press Separation Will not be tolerated We fight not for The negroes' freedom Reconstruction Must be obtained We must succeed At every hazard The Union We love We love not The negro We never said Let the Union slide We want The Union as it was Foreign intervention Is played out We cherish The old flag The stars and bars Is a flaunting lie We venerate The _habeas corpus_ Southern chivalry Is hateful Death to Jeff. Davis Abe Lincoln Isn't the Government Down with Mob law Law and order Shall triumph.
A Vermont farmer sent to an orphan asylum for a boy that was smart, active, tractable, prompt, and industrious, clean, pious, intelligent, good looking, reserved, and modest. The superintendent replied that their boys were all human, though they were orphans, and referred him to the New Jerusalem if he wanted to get the order filled.
A negro about dying, was told by his minister that he must forgive a certain darkey against whom he seemed to entertain very bitter feelings. "Yes sah," he replied, "if I dies I forgive dat nigga; but if I gets well, dat nigga must take care."