[_Mamma doesn't seem to see it, and Nurse and Mamma-in-Law think him a brute._]
[Illustration: _COMPLIMENTARY TO PATERFAMILIAS._
_Sister Amy._ "MY DEAR ROSE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?--MAMMA WILL BE VERY ANGRY!"
_Rose._ "WHY, WALTER WANTS TO BE LIKE PAPA, SO, I'M JUST THINNING HIS HAIR AT THE TOP!"]
THE DEAR LITTLE SPANISH HAT. OH, SO CHARMING, AND SO MUCH MORE SENSIBLE THAN A HORRID BONNET]
[Illustration: _UNMINDFUL OF DIGNITARIES._
_Officious Proctor._ "SIR!!--PRAY, ARE YOU A MEMBER OF THIS UNIVERSITY?"
_Military Swell._ "NO, I'M NOT, OLD FELLOW.--ARE YOU?"]
_Railway Clerk._ "HAVE YOU GOT TWOPENCE, SIR?"
_Swell._ "DEAW, NO! NEVAW HAD TWOPENCE IN MY LIFE!"
_Clerk._ "THEN I MUST GIVE YOU TENPENCE IN COPPER, SIR!"
(_Swell is immensely delighted, of course._)]
[Illustration: _A GORDIAN KNOT FOR ROBINSON._
_Miss Selina Hardman._ "WOULD YOU BE SO GOOD, SIR, AS TO GIVE ME A LEAD OVER?"]
_Jeames._ "IF YOU PLEASE, MA'AM, HERE IS _MASTER_ CARLO! BUT I CAN'T SEE _MISS_ FLOSS NOWHERES!"]
TOMKINS, WHO IS NOT GRAND IN THE LEG DEPARTMENT, SAYS, "IT'S A VERY DISAGREEABLE DAY." THE YOUNG LADIES, HOWEVER, FOR OBVIOUS REASONS, ENJOY IT AMAZINGLY.]
_Foreign Party._ "MAIS, MOSIEU BOOL, I AVE ALL WAYS THOUGHT YOU VASS GREAT SHOPKEEPARE!"
_Mr Bool._ "SO I AM, MOSSOO--AND THESE ARE SOME OF THE BOYS WHO MIND THE SHOP!--COMPRENNY?"]
_Sympathetic Swell (devoted to the Noble Science)._ "GOT A WRETCHED COLD! NO, WEALLY? THAT'S A BAD JOB, OLD FELLA,--MIGHT HA' BEEN WORSE, THOUGH--HORSE MIGHT HAVE HAD IT, YOU KNOW!"]
_Elderly Passenger._ "GOING OUT FISHING, I PRESUME, YOUNG GENTLEMAN?"
_Young Ditto._ "NO! IT AIN'T FISHING-RODS--IT'S SKY ROCKETS I'M TAKING DOWN FOR MY COUSIN'S BIRTHDAY. Have A weed?"]
_Ragged Capitalist to Ditto._ "THE WAR CAN'T LAST, SIR; FRANCE AND AUSTRIA HAVEN'T THE MEANS; THEY MUST COME TO US FOR MONEY BEFORE LONG."]
[Illustration: _WHAT'S TO BE DONE IN JULY?_
WHAT'S TO BE DONE IN JULY? WHY, RIDE DOWN TO RICHMOND WITH MAMMA AND THE GIRLS, AND GIVE 'EM A LITTLE DINNER, TO BE SURE!]
_Railway Porter._ "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, WAS THIS YOUR'N?"]
_Fiend in Human Shape._ "DON'T FEEL WELL! TRY A CIGAR!"]
[Illustration: _THE ABUSE OF THE ASPIRATE._
CAPTAIN DE SMITH REMONSTRATES WITH MR. HOLMES, THE VET OF HIS REGIMENT, FOR MAL-PRONUNCIATION OF THE WORD HORSE. TO HIM THE VET: "WELL, IF A _HAITCH_, AND A _HO_, AND A _HAR_, AND A _HESS_, AND A _HE_, DON'T SPELL 'ORSE, MY NAME AIN'T 'ENERY 'OMES!"]