405. A certain Italian having wrote a book upon the art of making gold, dedicated it to Pope Leo X. in hopes of a good reward: His holiness finding the man constantly following him, at length gave him a large empty purse, saying, Sir, since you know how to make gold, you can have no need of anything but a purse to put it in.
406. A countryman seeing a lady in the street in a very odd dress as he thought, begged her to be pleased to tell him what she called it. The lady, a little surprised at the question, called him impertinent fellow. Nay, I hope no offence, madam, cried Hodge, I am a poor countryman, just going out of town, and my wife always expects I should bring her an account of the newest fashion, which occasioned my inquiring what you call this that you wear. It is a sack, said she, in a great pet. I have heard, replied the countryman (heartily nettled at her behaviour) of a pig in a poke, but never saw a sow in a sack before.
407. A proud parson, and his man, riding over a common, saw a shepherd tending his flock, and having a new coat on, the parson asked him, in a haughty tone, who gave him that coat? The same, said the shepherd, that clothed you, the parish. The parson, nettled at this, rode on a little way, and then bade his man go back, and ask the shepherd if he’d come and live with him, for he wanted a fool. The man going accordingly to the shepherd, delivered his master’s message, and concluded as he was ordered, that his master wanted a fool. Why, are you going away then? said the shepherd. No, answered the other. Then you may tell your master, replied the shepherd, his living can’t maintain three of us.
408. A lad was running along the gunnel of a ship, with a can of flip in his hand, of which he was to have part himself, when a cannon ball came suddenly, and took off one of his legs; Look ye there now, said he, all the flip’s spilt.
409. Lord Falkland, the author of the play, called The Marriage Night, was chosen very young to sit in parliament; and when he was first elected, some of the members opposed his admission, urging, That he had not sown all his wild oats. Then, replied he, it will be the best way to sow them in the house, where there are so many geese to pick them up.