This is March, the month when the wind is tempered either to the lion or to the shorn lamb, and soon the grass will be green and the wind will be tempered for the silk-clad calf. Oh, boys, I’ll say we can anticipate!
When the ball bearings of the new association of nations get rolling smoothly, we understand that Jerusalem will be given to the Jews, Ireland to the Irish, Iceland to the icemen and New York City to the United States.
The little man approached a saleswoman and sputtered:
“I don’t understand,” the girl replied, timidly.
“You remember when I came in here to pick out a silk dress for my wife, don’t you?”
“And you remember we asked the assistance of the lady who was buying a kiltie skirt for her little girl?”
“W-w-well, you got the parcels mixed, that’s what you did, and I took that little kiltie skirt home to my wife.”
“I’m awfully sorry, sir, but, of course we can put that right.”
“I know you can, but that isn’t the trouble. My wife opened the parcel while I was away, thought it was the latest style, and wore the wretched thing to church on Sunday.”
A Chicago school girl, in her history examination, answered that Jamestown, Virginia, was settled in 1607 and there were 120 deaths and 72 births the first year, “due to the efforts of Capt. John Smith.”
A lady heard that her two sons were in the habit each at separate times and quite unknown to each other, of taking one of the maids “out for a lark.” Fearing to bring down on their devoted heads the wrath of their father by making a bother about it, she asked them quietly if it were true, but could obtain no satisfactory reply.
It occurred to her that by a little strategy she might get the truth from one of the girls, so she said in a jocular manner, “Now, Mary, I want you to answer me candidly. Which of my two sons do you like going out with best—George or William?”
“Well, ma’am,” replied the maid, reassured by the lady’s manner, “if you must know, of the two I like George the best; but for a downright good spree, give me the master every time.”
If you don’t feel just right, If you can’t sleep at night, If you moan and sigh, If your throat is dry, If you can’t smoke or drink, If your grub tastes like ink, If your heart doesn’t beat, If you’ve got bad cold feet, If your head’s in a whirl, Why not marry the girl?