Chapter XI.
Having shown that the pretexts usually alleged for
second marriages have no weight, St. Ambrose declares that he does not
condemn them, though from the Apostle’s words he sets forth their
inconveniences, though the state of those twice married is approved in
the Church, and he takes occasion to advert to those heretics who
forbid them. And he says that it is because the strength of
different persons varies that chastity is not commanded, but only
recommended.
67. , then, that widows who have been in the habit of giving neither are in want of their necessary expenses, nor of help, who in very great dangers have often guarded the resources of their husbands; and further, I think that the good offices of a husband are usually made up for to them by sons-in-law and other relatives, and that God’s mercy is more ready to help them, and therefore, when there is no special cause for marrying, the desire of so doing should not exist.
68. This, however, I say as a counsel, we do
not order it as a precept, stirring up the wills of widows rather than
binding them. For I do not forbid second marriages, only I do not
advise them. The consideration of human weakness is one thing, the grace of chastity is another. I say more, I do not forbid second, but do not approve of often repeated marriages, for not everything is expedient which is lawful: “All things are lawful to me,” says the Apostle, “but all things are not expedient.” As, also, to drink wine is lawful, but, for the most part, it is not expedient.
69. It is then lawful to marry, but it is
more seemly to abstain, for there are bonds in marriage. Do you
ask what bonds? “The woman who is under a husband is bound
by the law so long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead
she is loosed from the law of her husband.” It is then proved that marriage
is a bond by which the woman is bound and from which she is
loosed. Beautiful is the grace of mutual love, but the bondage is
more constant. “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband.” And lest this bondage should seem to be rather one of sex than of marriage, there follows: “Likewise, also, the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” How great; then, is the constraint in marriage, which subjects even the stronger to the other; for by mutual constraint each is bound to serve. Nor if one wishes to refrain can he withdraw his neck from the yoke, for he is subject to the incontinence of the other. It is said: “Ye are bought with a price, be
not ye servants of men.” You see how plainly the
servitude of marriage is defined. It is not I who say this, but
the Apostle; or, rather, it is not he, but Christ, Who spoke in
him. And he spoke of this servitude in the case of good married
people. For above you read: “The unbelieving husband
is sanctified by his believing wife; and the unbelieving wife by her
believing husband.” And
further on: “But if the unbelieving depart, let him
depart. A brother or a sister is not bound in such
cases.” If, then, a good marriage is servitude, what is a bad one, when they cannot sanctify, but destroy one another?
70. But as I exhort widows to keep the grace of
their gift, so, too, I incite women to observe ecclesiastical
discipline, for the Church is made up of all. Though it be the
flock of Christ, yet some are fed on strong food, others are still
nourished with milk, who must be on their guard against those wolves
who are hidden in sheep’s clothing, pretending to all appearance
of continence, but inciting to the foulness of incontinence. For
they know how severe are the burdens of chastity, since they cannot
touch them with the tips of their fingers; they require of others that
which is above measure, when they themselves cannot even observe any
measure, but rather give way under the cruel weight. For the
measure of the burden must always be according to the strength of him
who has to bear it; otherwise, where the bearer is weak, he breaks down
with the burden laid upon him; for too strong meat chokes the throats
of infants.