DEAR McDONALD,--When I saw that big envelope, I thought to myself, "Lord! what a _lot_ of h--l I am going to get!" You see my conscience was bad. I was wrong not to have told you long ago of my peculiar 'phobia. And inside that envelope there was only the kindest of kind letters,--proving that you understood me perfectly well, and forthwith putting me at ease.
I read the prospectus with great interest (by the way, I am returning it, because, as it is still in the state of a private document, I think it is better that I do not keep it); and I am proud of my friend. _He_ can do things! "Canst thou play with Leviathan like a bird? Or canst thou bind him for thy handmaidens?" No, I can't, and I am not going to try; but I have a friend in Yokohama--an officer of the U. S. Navy--_he_ plays with Leviathan, and makes him "talk soft, soft words"--indeed he even "presses down his tongue with a cord." Well, I should like you to be as rich as you could be made rich, without having worry. But as for _me_!--the greatest favour you can ever do me is to take off my hands even the business that I have--contracts, and the like,--so that I need never again remember them. Besides, if I were dead, you are the one I should want to be profiting by my labours. Then every time you set your jaw square, and made them "fork over," my ghost would squeak and chipper for delight,--and you would look around to see where the bats came from.
Well, next week I'll try to get down. In fact I feel that I must go to Yokohama, for various reasons besides imposing upon a certain friend there. To-day I have been packing up my book all the time from morning until now--so as to send by registered letter.
About "the best." You are a dreadful man! How could you think that I had got even halfway to the bottom. I have only drunk three bottles yet; but that is a shameful "only." Three bottles in one month is simply outrageous; and I look into the glass often to observe the end of my nose. That "best" is too seductive.
With affectionate thanks for kindest letter,
DEAR McDONALD,--Your telegram made me feel comfortable. I had been a little uneasy,--especially because you never told me what really was the matter;--and when a man like you cannot bend his back, the matter could not have been a joke. Also the telegram convinced me that you were really thinking about coming up, and possibly might come up during the spring or the summer or the coming autumn season, and that I could squat on the floor and talk to you--which made me comparatively happy.