The Doctor, knowing that a puff of Scandal Would blow his private trade to tatters, Dreaded to give the smallest handle To those who dabble in their neighbours' matters; Therefore, he wisely held it good To hide his practice from the neighbourhood, And not appear, there, as a resident; But merely one who, casually, went To see the lodgers in the large brick house;-- To lounge, and chat, not minding time a souse;-- Like one to whom all business was quite foreign;-- And, thus, he visited his female sick; Who lay as thick, Within his tenement of brick, As rabbits in a warren.
He lodge'd in Covent Garden all the while, And, if they sent, in haste, for his assistance, He soon was with 'em;--'twas no mighty distance;-- From the town's end it was but a bare mile.
Now Isaac Shove Living above This Doctor Crow, And knowing Barber Twizzle live'd below, Thought it might be as well, Hearing so many knocks, single and double, To buy, at his own cost, a street-door bell, And save confusion, in the house, and trouble;
Whereby his (Isaac's) visitors might know, Without long waiting in the dirt, and drizzle, To ring for him at once;--and not to knock for Crow,-- Nor Twizzle. Besides he now began to feel The want of it was rather _ungenteel_; For he had, often, thought it a disgrace To hear, while sitting in his room, above, Twizzle's shrill maid, on the first landing-place, Screaming, "a man below vants Mister Shove!" The bell was bought; the wire was made to steal Round the dark stair-case, like a tortur'd eel,-- Twisting, and twining; The jemmy handle Twizzle's door-post grace'd, And, just beneath, a brazen plate was place'd, Lacquer'd and shining;--
Graven whereon, in characters full clear, And legible, did "Mr. Shove" appear; And, furthermore, which you might read right well, Was--"Please to ring the bell."
At half-past ten, precisely to a second,-- Shove, every night, his supper ended; And sipp'd his glass of negus, till he reckon'd, By his stop-watch, exactly, one more quarter; Then, as exactly, he untied one garter;-- A token 'twas that he for bed intended:
Yet having, still, a quarter good before him, He leisurely undress'd before the fire; Contriving, as the quarter did expire, To be as naked as his mother bore him: