SIR ALFRED MOND. "I'M SORRY TO HAVE TO DISTURB YOUR MAJESTY, BUT, OWING TO THE SHORTAGE OF SITES--"
GEORGE III. "SHORTAGE OF SIGHTS, INDEED!"
[It is understood that a number of London statues, including that of George III. in Cockspur Street, are to be removed by the Office of Works to make room for new ones.]]
[Illustration: _Heavy Father._ "PUT YOUR 'AT ON THIS MINUTE, SIR. DO YOU WANT TO CATCH YOUR DEATHERCOLD?"]
'Twas last week at Pebble Bay That I saw the little goat, Harnessed to a little shay. Old was he and poor in coat, And he lugged his load along Where the barefoot children throng Round the nigger minstrels' song.
But his eye, aloof and chill, Said to me as plain as plain, "I am waiting, waiting still, Till the gods come back again; Starved and ugly, mean, unkempt, I have dreams by you undreamt, And--I hold you in contempt!
"Dreams of forest routs that trooped, Shadowy maidens crowned with vines, Dreams where Dian's self has stooped Darkling 'neath the scented pines; Or where he, old father Pan, Took the hooves of me and ran Fluting through the heart of man.
"Surely he must come again, He the great, the hornéd one? Shan't I caper in his train Through the hours of feast and fun!" And he looked with eyes of jade Through the sunshine, through the shade, Far beyond Marine Parade.
Should you go to Pebble Bay, Golfing or to bathe and boat-- Should you see a loaded shay, In the shafts a scarecrow goat, Tell him that you hope (with me) Pan will shortly set him free, Pipe him home to Arcady.
Mr. P.F. WARNER has received countless expressions of regret on his retirement from first-class cricket. Among these he values not least a "round robin" from the sparrows at Lord's, all of whom he knows by name. In the score-book of Fate is this entry in letters of gold:
Long may he live to enjoy the cricket of others!
The test team of Australia being now complete, all correspondence on the subject of its exclusions must cease. We therefore do not print a number of letters asking why there is no one named Geddes on the side.
Mr. FENDER and HOBBS are said to be actuated by the same motto, "For Hearth and Home." Both are pledged to return covered with "the ashes."
In the recent Surrey and Middlesex match Mr. SKEET bewildered the crowd by fielding as if he liked it. Hitherto this vulgar manifestation has been confined to HITCH and HENDREN.