"Why? Because RUDDIMAN, the rude, robust, Has pierced with logic's vigorous vulgar thrust The shield of icy polish. CHAMPER, in print, is hot on party-hate, Here his one aim is in the rough debate His rival to demolish.
"Sweet Reasonableness? Another host Of sages see! The habits of the Ghost, The Astral Body's action, Absorb them, eager. Does more furious fire The councils of the Caucusites inspire, Or light the feuds of faction?
"And there? They argue out with toil intense A 'cosmic' poet's esoteric sense, Of which a world, unwitting, Recks nothing. Yet how terribly they'd trounce Parliament's pettifogging, and denounce 'Political hair-splitting'!"
"O Shade, the difference is but small, one dreads. Betwixt logomachists at loggerheads, Whether their theme be bonnets Or British interests. Zealot ardour burns Scarce fiercer o'er Electoral Returns Than over SHAKSPEARE'S Sonnets.
"At MARABOUT the Mugwump sniffs and sneers; Gregarious 'votes of thanks' and sheepish 'cheers' Stir him to satire scornful. But when sleek Culture apes, irate and loud, The follies of the Caucus and the Crowd, The spectacle is mournful."
"True!" smiled the Shade. "Yon supercilious sage, With patent prejudice and petty rage, Penning a tart jobation On practised Statesmen, must as much amuse As Statesmen-sciolists venting vapid views On rocks and revelation."
A was the Anger evinced far and wide; B was the Boat-train delayed by the tide; C was the Chairman who found nothing wrong; D was the Driver who sang the same song; E was the Engine that stuck on the way; F stood for Folkestone, reached late every day; G was the Grumble to which this gave rise; H was the Hubbub Directors despise; I was the Ink over vain letters used; J were the Junctions which some one abused; K was the Kick "Protest" got for its crimes; L were the Letters it wrote to the _Times_; M was the Meeting that probed the affair; N was the Nothing that came of the scare; O was the Overdue train on its way; P was the Patience that bore the delay; Q was the Question which struck everyone; R the Reply which could satisfy none; S was the Station where passengers wait; T was the Time that they're bound to be late; U was the Up-train an hour overdue; V was the Vagueness its movements pursue; W stood for time's general Waste; X for Ex-press that could never make haste; Y for the Wherefore and Why of this wrong; And Z for the Zanies who stand it so long!